Fading To Black

testing

2006-05-05T14:55:00.000-07:00

testing

4 am

2006-04-27T00:49:00.000-07:00

well.. i guess 4 am is my bed time now.. hix.. i hope i can survive this quarter.. hu hu hu.. so tired.. so busy..

sigh! but it's time now.. to sleep! ;p

ciao..

and another group meeting..

2006-04-20T15:48:00.000-07:00

hi guys.. long time no see..

well yeah, what can i do? i'm part of these 2 groups that have group meetings almost everyday.. i'm tired.. i'm just tired right now..

anyway, law and i agreed that waiting is the most boring thing to do and being no productive is the best thing ever.. haha.. well, if you don't agree with us.. you better be ;p coz it really is.. think about it, if you don't have anything to do, instead of waiting which still has a purpose, try to be un-productive.. you'll feel much much better.. ;p

oh well.. go back to napping..

SPRING QUARTER!!

2006-03-27T23:20:00.000-08:00

haiyah.. spring break has passed.. it's time to start the new quarter again.. this spring quarter is gonna be a very very busy quarter for me.. it might be the busiest quarter in my college life.. hix.. hence, i might not be able to blog anything this quarter.. i'm really sorry for that.. but please wish me a lot of good luck.. and also lots of prayers.. because i really need them..

well, i guess that's all i am going to say..

hiatus mode activated!!

FINAL WEEK!!!

2006-03-11T23:39:00.000-08:00

wah uda lama ga ngepost nih.. kali ini pake bahasa indo dulu de yah.. hehe lagi males pake bahasa inggris.. maklum deh, lagi final week.. ;p (hubungannya apa emang? hehe)

quarter ini gue ngerasa God bener2 ngebantu nih.. bener2 ngerasa deh yang namanya kekuatan doa tu bener2 hebat.. ya bukan cuma ngebantu gue doank sih.. tapi ya semua orang yang gue sayang and gue kasihin.. ^_^ makanya moga2 iman gue bakal jadi makin kuat deh.. hehe amiinnn..

mm trus2 ceritanya ada 4 final lagi nih starting monday.. senen ada 1, rebo 2, kamis 1 biji.. abis itu libur deh.. hehe ya libur juga ga kemana2 sih.. lagi bokek juga, quarter ini pengangguran sih, ga kerja.. hehe mo ngebenerin nilai2 dulu deh.. tapi liburan ntar pengen belajar2 php sama web development lagi nih.. trus rencana pengen beli domain n hosting juga ma edy.. ya moga2 bener2 bisa terealisasi.. project pertama rencananya sih bakalan companynya papanya rina.. tapi sampe sekarang blom diapprove ni kayaknya.. ga tau de si rina uda nanyain belom.. kemungkinan dia juga lupa sih hehe yah nanti deh abis final ditanyain lagi..

hm.. trus2 kemaren ini tu gue udah 1 final.. sebenernya kemaren itu gue cuma butuh nilai minimal 70 doank.. cuman kemaren itu bener2 deh susahnya setengah matii.. gue dalem hati cuma bisa bedoa doank.. soalnya kemaren gue kira2 bisa predict tu dapet 40 aja susah kayaknya.. hehe.. tapi bener2 deh, God's power bener2 hebat.. tadi dikasi tau sama si harry kalo nilainya uda dipost di website.. trus gue cek.. eh dapet A!!!! horeeeee... hehehe beneran hepi bener deh gue.. ^_^ jadi semangat buat belajar final2 berikutnya nih.. makasih banyak buat yang udah selalu doain gue yah.. buat mama, papa, yayank rina.. hehe and temen2 semuaaa.. moga2 final2 daku yang laen juga bisa dapet bagus.. hehe kalian juga nih.. cia yooouuu.. hueheuheuhe..

hm ya uda ah.. dah pagi nih disini.. ngantuk bener.. mo bobo dulu.. besok lanjut belajar lagi deh seharian..

dadaaaaa... wish me luck!!! ^_^

Term Paper..

2006-02-26T10:23:00.000-08:00

Wow.. it's been a while, huh? hehe

well, right now i've been writing this term paper. It's supposed to be due this wednesday and this assignment actually has been assigned from the beginning of the first day in the class.. but since there are lots of things going on in my life.. i've just submitted my proposal for this term paper like 3 days ago.. haha

so really i have this weekend try to finish this paper.. and i thought it was not too hard because i used to make great english papers in my previous english classes before, but i think i was wrong.. it is hard.. yesterday, when i started to write this paper, i was stuck in the introduction.. haha.. well, actually this paper will only have a minimum of 5 pages. but still, it's been a while and i found it hard.. haha

well, just wish me luck.. oh yeah, and for the finals that is going to be the next 2 weeks.. hopefully i can get it done successfully.. amen.. ^_^

ok, get back to work now! ciao..

ps: last night, the international food festival and show was cool, i like it.. ^_^

pseudo-finally done..

2006-02-17T10:41:00.000-08:00

hoaaa... it's aready feb 17th.. missed so many occations.. let's see.. umm..
1. valentine's day
2. umm.. valentine's day..
3. val's day..

hahaha.. oh well.. HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE'S DAY to you all.. how was it? got someone new? or still with the old one but got a new stuff from her/him? haha.. whatever that is.. don't forget to be happy and praise to God.. ^_^

anyway, the term "pseudo" is often used in computer science.. and it is used to show that something is not really2 something.. hahaha.. well, for example: pseudo-code means it's not really2 the code.. but the concept of the code is similar.. or pseudo-random means it's not really2 random.. but there's a concept of randomness there..

so, since all of my midterms are done today, that's why i put the title like that.. not really2 done yet.. but it's halfway there.. ^_^

hoahm.. i'm so sleepy.. don't know what to write anymore.. i was gonna skip this class, but then i was told that my friend is going to have a presentation in the class today, so i think i'm going there.. well, just in case if there's anything funny (or even ugly) might happen.. haha..

aight.. taking-a-15-minutes-nap mode activated!

ciao

24

2006-02-03T07:42:00.000-08:00

I've been watching this series in the past 3 days.. finally i finished it..

but trust me, this series is more addictive than weeds or maybe pringles.. hehe.. once you watch this, you won't be able to stop.. geezz.. i remember last year when i watch the first season of this series, i skipped so many classes just because i want to watch the next episode.. ;p

more.. more.. yeah.. we want more.. hehehe

but really, this series is really great.. the plots, the conspiracy between the figures, the story.. the whole thing is just amazing.. you really can't predict what's gonna happen.. sometimes the one that you think is the bad guy may turn out to be the good guy at the end.. and vice versa.. or the one that you think is the mindmaster of the whole terrorist activity may turn out to be dead in the middle of the episodes and the true mindmaster comes out after that.. haha it's really unpredictable..

one thing that also amazes me is that how CTU (Counter Terrorist Unit) does their job.. is unbelivable.. their coordination.. their strategy.. how they handle a difficult situation.. and so on..

haha alright.. that's all about 24 for now.. i won't stop babbling..

season 4 is waiting.. let see if i will be able to finish it less than 3 days.. haha

cao!

ps: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHRIST, DAVID, and AJENG!!!

Ducks or Clowns?

2006-02-02T19:37:00.000-08:00

Joey: Uh... uh, we'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns?
Chandler: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
Joey:You got a better idea?
Chandler: All right, call it in the air.
Joey:Heads.
Chandler: Heads it is.
Joey: Yes! Whew!
Chandler: We have to assign heads to something.
Joey: Right. Okay, okay, uh... ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

haha.. ^_^

Gong Xi.. Gong Xi..

2006-01-29T20:01:00.000-08:00

hoho.. Gong Xi.. Happy Chinese New Year.. ^_^

Although i never celebrate chinese new year or even chinese tradition at all in my family, but it's a very fun thing to celebrate this day. well, maybe because the chinese blood still flows in my vein right now. and being a chinese who doesn't even speak chinese is a great experience too hehe. well, it's not that i hate chinese language, but it's just that i don't really like it. i prefer learning japanese. but somehow, mandarin or chinese language is more important because almost half inhabitants of the earth are chinese. (so maybe i have to think about learning chinese too someday.. ;p)

btw.. i ate roasted duck 3 times in this past 2 days hehe i love ducks.. kwek kwek.. but the funny thing is when i was having lunch with my friends today, the waitress said that after we're done eating, they were going to have a lion dance show or BARONGSAI in Indonesian (is it true?hehe don't really know, and care ;p) and we all then agreed to watch. so we waited couples of minute after we're done eating, and suddenly some WHITE AMERICAN guys with black clothings came to the restaurant. well, we thought they were also guests like us.

and guess what? WRONG!! they were the dancers. omg.. haha.. we were amazed. a chinese restaurant hired some WHITE AMERICAN DANCERS to perform the chinese traditional lion dance. hahaha it's ridiculous. but it turned out to be ok, they were great actually. so we gave them an applause at the end.

well.. may this new year becomes a great year for all of us.. ^_^

(oopss.. actually what year is it now? dog year?)

LOGIC

2006-01-23T07:37:00.000-08:00

this is quite funny..

i walked along the hallway in caldwell lab today and saw a guy with a tshirt saying:

"Logic (loj'ik), n. 1. the art of being wrong with confidence"

i was going to ask where he bought that tshirt, then again, his friend came out from a class with another funny tshirt:

"Don't drink and derive, alcohol and calculus don't mix!"

haha.. ;p

SNOWIINGGG!!!

2006-01-18T07:52:00.000-08:00

yup.. it is snowing right now.. it's not that i am happy about this, but today is the first day i see snow again since last year.. hehe although the weather forecast said that tomorrow it's going to be 50 F again.. haha so snow for just a day, well it could be fun.. ^_^

and i felt really2 happy this morning when i woke up.. i don't know why exactly but maybe because of last night's dream.. haha.. somebody was hugging and holding me so tight in that dream.. still can't get it off of my mind.. ^_^

last week had been so fun.. as usual, i went to CFM every saturday night and met lots of friends.. we shared stories, we laughed, we sang some songs, we prayed, we ate lots of free food together.. hehe but the bible discussion was great too.. last week was about LOVE.. interesting huh? hueheuheuhe

hm anyway, some of my friends are graduating soon this year.. well, 'some' maybe is not the right word, probably 'many' would be the better word.. hehe and it makes me really really want to graduate also.. (>_<) huaaa... can't wait til my graduation day.. can't wait til i get a job and start a new life.. but sometimes being a graduating student scares me too.. don't you think? because i think the 'real world' just starts when you have graduated.. your new life will depend on what next step we want to choose.. well sometimes it leads into a great success and sometimes it doesn't.. hufh.. but i still believe, as long as we give it a try, everything will be fine.. ^_^ and i believe that HE will always lead my way.. because HE knows the best for me.. ^_^

huaaa... i guess i will stop right here.. class starts pretty soon, homework is due today and i haven't stapled it yet.. but it's done though.. haha.. i'm happy.. ^_^

cao!

blogging today

2006-01-11T07:30:00.000-08:00

sitting on a not-so-comfy chair ALONE in the hallway of dreese lab and not doing anything makes me really bored.. (and sleepy!) especially at 10 am in the morning with this kind of weather. well, it's cold but not so cold and warm but not so warm either.. hehe so i decided to blog. something that maybe i always remember wanna do it but then i forgot for some reason.

it's winter time, but i haven't seen any snow since i got back here. it's unusual actually, though i'm not expecting any snow either. i don't really like snow, but it's just weird to have january without snow here in columbus. well, hopefully there's not gonna be any snow for this year's winter hehe..

one of my bags is still missing. i keep calling the american airline baggage service almost everyday to check if my bag has been found, but the answer is still the same: "the bag hasn't been found yet, we will contact you as soon as possible if we have any information of your bag." Damn! unlike the snow, i'm really expecting this bag. maybe some people think that it's ok because it doesn't contain any valuable things, but to me, A BAG FULL OF INDONESIAN SNACKS AND FOOD is really2 valuable. (>_<)

mmpph.. don't know anything else to say.. bye! ;p

A Brand New Life!

2006-01-03T21:26:00.000-08:00

January the 1st:

two most important women in my life cried at the airport letting me go back to Ohio. it was sad. it was dramatic. i can still feel how hard it was to let someone you really really love go to a far far away place. a place that is hard to be reached. a place that is hard to be seen..

yet on that day, i also made my promises to myself that i would become a better person with a brand new life. a life that will make both of them be the happiest people on the planet. a promise that no matter how far we are apart, we will be still in love to each other..

i hope they can always be my spirit who guide and support me all the time..

thank you God for having them in my life..

Terbaik Untukmu..

2005-11-03T20:28:00.000-08:00

Aku sadar kalau kini
Kita sudah smakin menjauh
Sempat aku berpikir ini
Kau yg menginginkannya
Lepas dari pelukku

oh kini aku sadari
ini salahku
tak ingin ku terlambat dan sesali

maafkanlah bila ku selalu
membuatmu marah dan benci padaku
ku lakukan itu semua
hanya tuk buatmu bahagia

mungkin ku cuma tak bisa pahami
bagaimana cara tunjukkan maksudku
aku cuma ingin jadi terbaik untukmu

Aku ingin kau tetap di sini bersamaku
Jangan Pergi
Berikan satu kesempatan
Untuk ku membuktikan
sesungguhnya cintaku

after birthday partee!!

2005-10-27T09:07:00.000-07:00

wah.. uda lama ga ngeblog neh.. hehe bukannya lagi sibuk sih.. tapi emang beberapa hari kemaren males ngeliat (dan emang lupa) sama blog ini.. hehe ;p

but today, gue lagi pengen ngisi2 lagi hehe.. lagian emang lagi bosen banget ni.. ga kemana2 sih.. well, bisa sih sebenernya, tapi ya males aja.. abis masa pegi kemana2 gitu sendirian aja? ga nyalahin temen2 sih, mereka lagi pada sibuk ma kuliahnya.. lagi pada skripsi gitu sih.. jadinya ya uda de.. most of the time cuma di rumah aja.. pegi2 sendirian ga enak.. di amrik gue sendirian kalo pegi kemana2.. ke mall sendiri, ke cafe sendiri, ke supermarket sendiri, ke kampus sendiri.. ga ada temen indo pula yang sekelas sama gue.. sigh.. ya masa di jakarta, lagi liburan gini sendirian juga? ga asik banget kan? (>_<) mana ini nyokap ga buruan pindah rumah, jadinya gue idup sendirian juga di rumah ini.. (>_<)

hm.. tapi ya udalah.. mo gimana lagi.. emang uda nasib kali ya mesti ngapa2in sendirian? gue berusaha nikmatin ajalah.. lagian kalo dipikir2, kayaknya gue emang perlu belajar untuk bisa give up.. dulu gue kan selalu berpikir kalo kita tu berusaha sekuat tenaga, mati2an gitu, pasti segala sesuatunya turns out to be alright.. tapi ternyata ga selalu gitu.. gue kadang juga harus bisa nerima kekalahan gue.. i have to learn to give up once in a while..

well2.. ini ada poto waktu birthday party hari jumat tgl 21 oktober waktu itu.. the party was really fun.. i was so glad that everybody could come.. altough i was lil bit disappointed with Hanamasa restaurant because they almost ruined it by telling me in the last minute that my reservation was cancelled because they had some gas problem.. and disappointed also with lady and her bf because she didn't want to join the dinner.. (>_<) but it was alright.. i had fun!! ^_^

so here's a pic of it..

birthday!!

2005-10-18T09:31:00.000-07:00

hehe kemaren gue ultahhh... horeeee... haha jayuz bener...

mayan seneng sih.. jam 12 rina telp gitu.. she's the first who said "happy birthday" to me.. ^_^ trus disusul laen2nya.. ada yang sms.. ada yang ngirimin ecard.. ada yang msg lewat friendster.. dll gitu.. ucapan selamet masi terus berdatangan sampe hari ini juga hehe.. kocak2 juga, terutama si angel yang tadi telp n ngerasa bersalah karena ternyata telat.. hihi.. trus jadinya ngobrol2 juga sama si angel.. tu anak masi alim2 gila.. hehe

hm.. walopun lumayan seneng.. tapi ga tau nih, kayaknya birthday kali ini gue ngerasanya bener2 kurang banget.. kerasanya biasa banget.. beda dari yang gue rasain biasanya.. biasanya kan gue selalu nganggep kalo birthday itu the most important day of my life.. ga kayak natal ato paskah ato perayaan2 laen macem valentine's day ato apalah.. soalnya gue ngerasa hari2 perayaan kayak gitu kan pasti dirayainnya sama semua orang di dunia.. tapi kalo birthday kan yang ngerayain cuma gue doank.. tiap orang pasti punya harinya sendiri2..

makanya tiap kali birthday pasti gue pengen ada something yang special.. gue juga pengen ngerayain sama orang2 yang special di hati gue.. tapi ga tau kenapa, tahun ini rasanya hambar banget.. gue ngelewatin tgl 17 kemaren itu ya kayak hari2 biasanya.. nothing special.. malah agak ngerasa sedikit kesepian.. sedikit lonely juga.. =/

padahal tadinya pengen sih bisa makan special di tempat yang special juga sama orang yang special juga.. i've already planned that out pretty well but i guess it didn't happen this time.. :( well, mungkin juga bakal lebih seru kalo gue ada di cols kali ya? paling ngga, temen2 gue disana biasanya bikin surprise party buat gue.. hehe.. gue ga ngarepin dapet surprise sih, tapi kan lucu aja kalo bisa rame2 gitu.. at least there is something special that i can do on my special day..

oh well, it's ok.. it's alright.. it doesn't really matter anymore since it's already oct 18th.. harapan gue buat tahun yang baru ini cuma 1 kok, gue cuma minta supaya dikasi kebahagiaan lagi sama Tuhan.. itu aja.. it's a really simple wish.. maybe the simplest wish i've ever prayed.. hehe

alright, i gtg now.. hope the party this friday night will be a nice one.. ^_^ bye all and thanks for everything..

a story..

2005-10-08T23:30:00.000-07:00

belakangan ini gue bosen banget.. ga tau mo ngapain, kayak ga ada kerjaan gini.. ada sih sebenernya, gue kan ikut2 les gitu disini.. tapi ya tetep aja uda mulai kerasa bosennya..

trus kalo uda ga ngapa2in gitu biasanya nonton sinetron deh.. hueheuhe.. ada beberapa yang lumayan.. ;p hm tapi ngomong2 soal film.. kenapa ya kalo di film itu seringnya endingnya tu pasti bagus de.. pasti happy ending.. apalagi kalo ada love storynya.. padahal bukannya film tu cerminan dari kehidupan nyata ya? tapi kenapa ya kalo di kenyataan tu kadang endingnya malah ngebetein.. hm..

oiya, jadi pengen cerita soal drama yang waktu itu gue pernah denger di radio.. ceritanya ada sepasang kekasih ni, namanya gyo sama indi kalo ga salah.. pokoknya mereka bedua tu uda jadian kurang lebih 2 taon gitu.. mereka bener2 saling sayang.. trus si gyo-nya dapet
beasiswa buat kuliah di belanda.. akhirnya mereka pisah, si gyo di belanda,
indi di jakarta.. tapi mereka masi jadian karena mereka saling sayang, mereka tetep contact, saling becanda dll.. si gyo juga perhatian banget, sering banget ngirim2 hadiah buat indi..

nah si gyo ni punya adek (ato sahabat ya?lupa!), namanya todi ato tobi gitu deh.. gue lupa.. hehe tapi yang pasti, dia emang dipercaya sama gyo buat ngejagain indi selama dia di belanda, dia
disuruh nganter2 indi n nolongin indi gitu de selama gyo ga ada.. eh ternyata lama2 si todi ini jadi suka sama indi, dia pdkt dan segala macem gitu de.. tapi sama sekali ga ngasi tau gyo dan si indi pun juga ga pernah ngasi tau gyo.. sampe one day, gyo pulang ke indo tanpa bilang2.. dia pengen bikin surprise buat keluarganya, temen2nya, terutama buat indi, orang yang paling dia sayangin..

nah, akhirnya gyo tau de kalo indi sama todi uda jadian.. dan dia bener2 ngerasa terpukul, dia bener2 ngerasa sakit, karena selama ini yang gyo tau kan indi masi sayang sama dia.. indi masi selalu ngasih perhatian buat gyo.. dia ga nyangka bisa terjadi kayak gitu..

well, masi ada lanjutannya sih, cuma gue ga gitu ngikutin, tapi garis besarnya sih kayak gitu.. dan gue waktu itu sempet mikir, kenapa ya kalo LDR tu pasti aja de ada yang "gangguin"? kenapa ya pasti aja de ada aja cobaannya? dan yang gue lebih heran lagi, kenapa ya selalu salah
satunya pasti kemakan sama cobaan itu?

apa kalo kayak gitu berarti cinta itu tu cuma bakalan bertahan kalo 2 orang itu deketan doank ya? hm.. berarti kata2 "bila ada 2 orang saling mencintai, sejauh apapun mereka terpisahkan, cinta mereka tetap takkan terceraikan" itu cuma bullshit yah?

hm mboh de.. bingung.. tapi emang sih, gue bisa ngerti apa yang dirasain gyo.. pasti sakit banget.. apalagi cintanya bener2 tulus.. =/

another bomb? geez..

2005-10-01T10:15:00.000-07:00

this country is full of shit already.. oh my gosh.. we got another bombs exploded in our "beloved" country.. it's true.. it's true.. exactly 4 hours ago.. another 3 bombs have been exploded in bali.. in the island which we always call it the island of gods..

hm.. i've been reading this magnificient novel called 5 cm by Donny Dhirgantoro.. i'd say he's a very2 great writer.. i really really enjoyed reading this book.. i trully did.. well, it's about a friendship between 5 people who really love their country.. this country.. Indonesia.. well, not exactly only about that, but there are lots of aspects in it.. i'm gonna tell more about the book maybe later, but for now.. i want to talk about the big tragedy happened to this country couple of hours ago..

i'd say that this country is actually unbelievable.. this country is awesome.. it's really2 great to have this beautiful country.. unfortunately, the people are not as awesome as the country.. unfortunately this beautiful country is full of freakin' shitty people.. they are a lot worse than this beautiful country.. and when i said worse.. it means really2 bad.. but i didn't say ALL of them are bad.. i believe some guys out there are maybe greater than this country..

sigh.. i don't know what else to say.. i just don't get what those bombers have inside their heads.. nothing? well yeah, what else could it be? i believe "trashes" like them don't have anything in their heads.. just as stupid as hell..

i'll pray tonight for this damn good country.. and hope she will be survived once again from all of these craps..

sensitif?

2005-09-22T23:27:00.000-07:00

duh kalo lagi kangen sama orang tu rasanya ga enak banget yah? jadi kayak gelisah gitu.. beberapa hari ini ni rasanya lagi kangeeeeennn banget sama si orang itu.. mungkin karena gue belakangan ini sering pegi ke tempat2 yang punya banyak memories sama orang itu kali ya?

kangen de pengen jalan2 lagi ma dia.. tapi ga tau de nanti gimana.. kadang kalo lagi sendirian aja di kamar kayak sekarang nih.. suka ngebayangin macem2 tentang dia.. ya jalan barenglah kayak dulu.. ketawa ketiwi kayak dulu.. nyobain makan di resto2 baru gitu.. ato ke greja bareng.. nonton bareng..ngeles bareng.. jemput2 gitu.. brenang bareng.. wah pokoknya masi banyak deh.. kadang suka ga nyangka aja, kok bisa ya kenangan manis kayak gitu tu bisa pudar?? sigh..

tadi siang di radio gue ngedengerin something.. penyiarnya tu tadi siaran ttg penyesalan.. and she said that we sometimes make mistakes but we learn something from them.. basi sih ya? kata2 itu kan kayaknya sering bener diucapin orang.. tapi ga tau kenapa, tadi gue ngerasa kalo itu tu bener banget.. gue sering banget nyesel karena apa yang uda terjadi.. tapi kalo gue ga ngerasa nyesel ato belom ngerasa nyesel, gue ga akan belajar apa2 dari situ.. tapi trus gue jadi bertanya2 sendiri.. apa untuk belajar itu tu kita harus selalu ngerasa 'sakit' dulu ya? hm.. masi belom terjawab.. yah hopefully bisa terjawab..

tapi emang jujur aja, gue masi suka nyesel terhadap banyak hal.. misalnya aja, gue seringkali nyesel uda kuliah di amrik.. yah gue tau, gue harusnya bangga and hepi bokap gue bisa ngebiayain gue buat kuliah disana.. dan gue emang bangga.. tapi kadang suka nyesel aja.. apalagi buat kuliah disana, keluarga gue.. termasuk gue juga.. harus "berkorban" banyak hal.. ya seringkali gue suka sakit hati aja.. tapi sifat2 kayak gitu emang egois juga yah? jadi inget kalo dulu gue juga pernah post blog yang bilang, kenapa perubahan pada diri seseorang tu seringkali cuma buat ngebahagiain diri orang itu sendiri.. tapi ga peduli sama orang laen.. sama orang banyak juga.. yang mungkin justru paling sayang sama dia..

huumm... mboh de.. perasaaan manusia tu emang susah yah.. emang manusia tu makhluk yang unik sih.. yang ga pernah puas sama keadaannya.. yang miskin malah pengen kaya, yang kaya pengen dicintai, yang uda mendapatkan cinta tulus ga puas dan malah mencari2.. yang dekat minta pisah dan berjauhan, yang jauh pengennya minta deketan terus.. yang laper pengen makan, eh yang bisa makan malah pengen langsing n kurus.. wah susah de..

duh, uda dulu de.. gue kayaknya jadi makin sensi ni hari ini.. mboh de, mendingan bobo aja de.. biar rasa kangennya dipendem and dibawa mimpi aja.. semoga yang gue kangenin bisa merasakan rinduku.. n at least bisa tersenyum dalam hatinya.. ^_^

BaNdUnG

2005-09-20T07:15:00.000-07:00

that's it.. my birthplace and also my favorite place in indonesia..

when you get to Bandung, all you have to do are just eating and shopping.. yup, that's the best place to eat and shop in indonesia.. and i've been shopping and eating like crazy since last week (>_<).. somay, batagor, pempek, bakmie, you name it.. hehe

Bandung's people are also nicer than people here in Jakarta, I think.. they are more friendly and helpful to other people. that's also one of the reason why i like Bandung so much. oh yeah, one more thing, the Cipularang Highway has been completed now, and that makes our trip to Bandung shorter and easier.. last trip, we got there in only 1.5 hours driving.. haha it usually takes more than 4 hours before if we use Subang way or Purwakarta or Padalarang highway right? or even worse if we take Puncak way..

well, Bandung also has tons of great bistro cafes in there. With its cool air and very nice view, it's really romantic for couples to hang out in there. unfortunately, i have nobody to share all that kinds of thing.. (>_<)

hix.. it makes me misses her again.. (>_<) i really can't get her out of my head.. sigh..

bingung..

2005-09-06T12:43:00.000-07:00

hari ini uda mulai kerasa bosen di indo..

padahal kemaren sih mayan hepi2 aja.. si fanny ntraktir2 gitu lantaran dia ultah.. trus ketemu temen2nya dia yang semuanya calon dokter gitu.. mereka ngomongnya yang uda biologis abis gitu deh.. seputar enzim dll lah.. cerita2, ngebuka aib2nya fanny, ketawa ketiwi.. hehe ya kemaren sih mayan hepi2 aja..

udah ga jetlag sih, tapi ga tau kenapa tadi pagi waktu bangun tidur, perasaan tu rasanya ga enak banget.. rasanya gelisah banget.. emang sih gue lagi mikirin seseorang.. well, sebenernya dia emang ga bisa lepas dari pikiran gue dari dulu.. dan sekarang dia lagi sakit.. sigh..

ada yang pernah ga sih.. kangen banget sama orang, tapi takut buat ketemu lagi?beneran deh.. gue kangen banget sama orang ini.. pengen banget ketemu.. pengen banget ngeliat senyumnya.. pengen banget becanda2 lagi sama dia.. tapi takut juga.. ga tau takutnya kenapa.. mm.. mungkin.. takut kalo dia tu ga sekangen apa yang gue rasain.. takut kalo dia ga kangen juga sama gue.. :(

tapi mungkin.. gue takut kalo pertemuan kali ini adalah pertemuan yang terakhir.. bukannya dia ato gue bakal ga ketemu selamanya.. ya mungkin someday kita bisa ketemu lagi.. tapi mungkin nanti akan berubah.. dan gue takut akan perubahan.. karena kita ga akan tau, perubahan itu bakal bikin kita hepi ato sedih.. :(

hm.. gue yang sekarang pun uda beda.. gue yang sekarang takut akan masa depan.. takut akan perubahan.. takut punya rencana ato bikin plan.. ga tau kenapa bisa gitu.. mungkin karena gue ngerasa "langkah" ato "jalan" yang pernah gue ambil adalah "jalan" yang salah.. jadinya gue kadang takut untuk salah langkah lagi..

hm.. ga tau deh.. hari ini rasanya ga enak banget.. bimbang banget.. doa gue cuma 1 buat tahun depan.. "aku pengen hepi lagi.."

itu aja.. semoga bisa terkabul..

i miss u..

unexpressable feelings

2005-08-31T11:14:00.000-07:00

i'm in indo now..
am i supposed to be happy?
some of my friends say so.. they say i can enjoy all delicious and delicate indonesian food.. our hometown food.. they say i can shop clothings and stuff with cheaper prices.. they say i can spend times with my family..

but.. i don't know why i miss columbus so much.. the only thing that i enjoy here is spending times with my family, yah.. i admit that.. i love spending time with them.. but somehow, i still miss my friends in columbus..

i miss singing, praying together, eating, or doing bbq together with them.. somehow i was happy when i was around them..

i realize that this year has been a really really tough year for me.. i had so many problems.. so many things to think about.. so many thoughts and feelings that hurt me so bad.. i want to get out of it somehow.. but i really don't know what to do.. sigh.. i really need help..

i really do..

The Finals!!

2005-08-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

yeah, final week now!

extra-work-less-sleep mode is fully activated for these 3 days.. (starting yesterday actually hehe)
hopefully, i can be able to do these finals successfully ^_^

hm.. not much to say, have to go back to work.. oops.. i mean study! gee.. i really want to graduate and go to work.. (>_<)

oh well, i will get my chance later.. definitely.. ^_^ cia yooo guysss, goodluck on your finals!!!

ps: 3rd place in the CFM's Fun VolleyBall Competition last time.. but still it was ok because we had a lot of fun.. haha

I'm just a human..

2005-08-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

yah.. that's true..

i'm just an ordinary human.. sometimes i'm strong, but sometimes i'm weak.. i might be strong or tough facing all of things that just happened to me in this past months or even year.. and yes, that's what i always keep reminding my self.. to be tough, not to give up easily..

but..

sometimes.. somehow.. i'm still very very weak.. i do still miss her.. i do still love her.. so much.. and even more.. and i know i should not do that over and over again because it can make me not concentrate in what i do, it can make me not think clearly, or whatever all of my friends always say to me..

but i don't know.. that feelings keep coming to me.. and sometimes i just can't resist it.. once, a friend told me.. "to let go means to love her more, only in a silence way.." another friend refers this to a song.. "love is about trying again or walking away.. if you feel it's useless to try again and again.. maybe you should try to walk away.. but walking away doesn't mean you don't love her anymore, right?"

yeah, it doesn't mean that way.. sigh.. well, i know this is something that i have to learn.. this is something that i have to accept.. this is something that i have to let go.. but sometimes it's just very2 hard to do all that..

to someone who i love so much..
i'm sorry that sometimes i have to feel that way.. i'm sorry i still couldn't resist that feelings.. you always know that i love you more than anything.. although you have someone else to love right now.. but i'll try to be tough, i'll try to be strong.. because whatever makes you happy.. makes me happy as well..

every person..

2005-08-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

kemarin aku mendengar banyak cerita..

dari mulai yang lucu2, yang ngebetein, yang bikin sedih, sampe yang mengkuatirkan..

i don't know how it could happen, but i did hear those kinds of stories in only one day.. dan itu ngebuat aku sadar, kalo ternyata setiap manusia tu punya masalah.. dan mereka pun juga punya cara masing2 untuk handle masalah mereka itu..

yang bikin gue sadar lagi adalah bahwa setiap masalah itu ga selalu jalan keluarnya adalah sesuatu hal yang baik ato bagus. sama aja kayak kalo kita sedang ujian, ato ngerjain pr, ga selalu hasil yang kita dapetin pasti sama kan? ga selalu kita dapet bagus terus kan? tapi dari proses kita mengerjakan pr ato ujian itu, kita "dapet" something.. kita belajar something..

tapi ya dasar kita tu cuma manusia.. sifat ga pernah puas kita tu kadang susah dikendaliin.. kita seringkali kecewa banget kalo keadaan ato hasil yang didapetin tu jelek ato ga sesuai sama yang kita mau.. kita lebih seneng marah2, lebih seneng maki2 orang, ato bahkan marah2 sama Tuhan kalo keadaan yang lagi kita alami tuh buruk..

aku sendiri ngaku kalo dulu aku pernah marah sama Tuhan, bahkan marah banget.. ya karena things didn't work as the way i wanted.. bahkan sampe sekarang pun, kadang aku masi suka kecewa sama keadaan.. aku masi sering takut buat start all over again.. yah menurutku itu alami, itu natural, karena aku juga kan manusia.. kekecewaan, kemarahan, kesedihan, dll kan emang sifatnya manusia.. tapi pada saat aku bisa berpikiran jernih, aku mulai bisa mencari2.. "sebenernya apa sih yang pengen Tuhan ajarin buat aku disini.."

hari ini aku juga berdoa secara khusus untuk seseorang yang jauh disana, yang mungkin sekarang sedang sakit, baik yg sakit secara jasmani maupun rohaninya.. supaya diberikan kesembuhan, kekuatan, dan kebahagiaan yg tulus. segala sesuatu mungkin seems complicated buat kamu sekarang ini, tapi aku percaya.. kalo kamu berserah, everything's gonna be fine.. dan tiap hari, tiap malem, aku berdoa supaya dreams, keinginan2, n segala sesuatu yang bisa buat kamu bahagia.. bisa terjadi di kehidupan kamu dan bukan sebaliknya.. Amin..

somehow..

2005-08-09T02:14:00.000-07:00

these past couples of days..

i don't know why.. but somehow..
somehow, it feels good.. no, it feels better... yah.. it feels better when you see people who you love are happy.. it feels even better than just trying to make ourselves happy..

well, maybe it's just me.. but somehow, i feel that way..

let's not say goodbye...

2005-08-05T02:28:00.000-07:00

let's not say goodbye..

let's just say.. "I love you.."

Ajarku 'tuk mengerti..

2005-07-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

Ajarku 'tuk mengerti

Ajarku 'tuk mengerti jalan-jalanMu Tuhan
Ajarku 'tuk mengerti rencanaMu di hidupku
Sekalipun ku berjalan dalam lembah yang kelam
Ku tahu pasti Engkau besertaku

Ajarku 'tuk bersyukur dalam segala keadaan
Ajarku merasakan kasihMu yang sempurna
Sekalipun banyak hal yang takkan kupahami
Namunku tetap percaya Kau setia

JalanMu adil dan benar
RencanaMu sungguh sempurna
Gunung batuku yang tak akan goyah
Kau memegang hari esokku dan menuntun setiap jalanku
BersamaMu ku tak akan goyah

Hari ini aku berubah..

2005-07-21T01:27:00.000-07:00

Terima kasih Tuhan..
hari ini Kau bukakan pintu hatiku lagi..
hari ini Kau buat aku sadar lagi..
hari ini aku minta maaf kepadaMu..

maaf karena selama ini aku marah padaMu..
maaf karena selama ini aku merasa Kau membuat hidupku terasa ga fair..
maaf karena selama ini aku menjauhiMu..
maaf karena selama ini aku jauh lebih mencintai sesamaku, ketimbang mencintaiMu..

tapi mulai hari ini, Tuhan..
aku ingin berubah..
dan aku sadar, hal itu ga akan mudah..
karena aku hanyalah seorang manusia..
yang pasti dan akan selalu tergoda hal2 duniawi..
tapi aku percaya, Kau tidak akan pernah memberikan suatu cobaan yang tidak bisa kuatasi..

Terima kasih juga Tuhan..
karena Engkau telah memberikan orang2 yang hebat di sekitarku..
karena Engkau memberikan pengalaman hidup yang hebat buatku..
bersama mereka, aku bisa merasakan hal2 bahagia, hal2 lucu, hal2 sedih, dan hal2 yang menyakitkan..
tapi aku berdoa untuk mereka, untuk semua orang2 di dalam hidupku..
agar mereka pun bisa mendapatkan jalanMu, dan merasakan kasihMu..

aku percaya, Engkau pasti memberikan jalan yang lebih baik buatku..
Amin..

..LoVe HuRtS..

2005-07-19T14:10:00.000-07:00

sometimes love hurts..
but if it doesn't hurt, then it isn't love..
hold on to the person you love before they slip away..
or you can never get them back....

please...

2005-07-18T05:24:00.000-07:00

please..

jangan kayak gini terus..
rasanya bener2 ga enak..
aku bener2 kesiksa..

aku bener2 butuh kamu.. :(

pedih..

2005-07-14T09:01:00.000-07:00

untuk seseorang disana..

aku cuma mau bilang, kalo aku masi sayang kamu..
aku ga tau kenapa kamu sekarang begini..
aku ga tau kenapa aku sekarang begini..
tapi yang selalu aku tau adalah rasa sayangku untuk kamu..

keadaan yang sekarang begitu pedih buatku..
dan mungkin buat kamu juga..
aku berharap kita bisa bercanda tawa, sharing cerita, dll lagi..
cuma itu harapanku saat ini..
cuma itu..

kenapa harus begini?

2005-07-10T13:05:00.000-07:00

beberapa hari ini aku ngerenung.. aku diem..
aku ga pengen keadaan kayak gini..
aku pengen pelan2 ngerubah hidupku lagi..
aku baru sadar.. ternyata segala sesuatu itu emang punya 2 sisi.. bahkan rasa sayang dan cinta kasih pun punya 2 sisi..
dulu yang aku tau, rasa sayang itu indah.. rasa sayang itu menyenangkan dan bikin kita tersenyum..
Tuhan pun mengajarkan cinta kasih agar kita bahagia dan damai..
tapi ternyata, kenapa rasa sayang bisa bener2 nyakitin ya.. malah kadang lebih nyakitin daripada rasa benci.. kata2 yang indah pun bisa menyakitkan..
jadi sebenernya apa mencintai dan menyayangi itu salah?
ato emang kita manusia yang selalu berbuat salah?

susah ya kalo mau ngejawab pertanyaan hidup itu? mungkin ga akan pernah ada orang yang mampu menjawab semua pertanyaan hidupnya.. trus gimana? apa kita mesti hidup bertanya2? hm..

kadang emang sih pengen tau jawaban2 itu semua.. apalagi pertanyaan hidup tentang kebahagiaan.. siapa sih yg ga pengen bahagia? tapi saat ini, aku cuma pengen hidup aja.. karena dengan aku hidup, aku bisa membahagiakan orang lain..

sepenggal puisi ini adalah puisi yang ga akan pernah aku lupa..

putih itu indah..
itu kataku..
cinta itu indah..
itu kata orang..
kalau cinta putih itu apa?
apa yang kau rasakan sekarang..
syukurilah.. janganlah malu untuk diungkapkan..
tak mudah untuk dilakukan?
itulah tantangan hidup..
jadi.. hiduplah! semangatlah! lebih tegar sedikit!
mungkin awalnya membosankan..
tapi masi manusiawi kan?

it hurts so bad..

2005-07-08T21:44:00.000-07:00

sakit banget rasanya.. bener2 ga tau mesti gimana.. =/

men usually don't cry, unless it hurts so much..

bener2 ga kuat..

when will i be happy?

2005-07-07T02:01:00.000-07:00

i don't feel like doing anything.. my life is completely a mess right now.. i can't express my true feeling.. maybe this indonesian song can explain it a little bit..

[indo mode:on]

gue pathetic banget yah.. gue sendiri bisa ga tau apa yang bisa bikin gue hepi.. gue ga tau apa yang gue mau dan pengen.. hari minggu kemaren, om gue bikin bbq party kecil2an di halaman belakang rumah.. keluarga temen om gue diundang.. mereka bule.. si ayah adalah seorang profesor di OSU, dan di tengah makan2, dia nanya ke gue.. "What's your plan after you gradute?" suddenly, gue gelagapan ngejawabnya.. gue cuma senyum dan ngejawab, "I don't know.. I don't have any plan yet.." gue ga bisa picture diri gue di masa yg akan datang lagi.. sekarang rasanya cuma plain dan hampa..

gue takut.. gue takut kecewa lagi.. gue takut disakitin lagi.. gue takut akan sedih terus2an.. gue takut salah memilih.. gue akuin, dulu gue selalu optimis, gue selalu ngerasa kalo gue bisa ngelakuin hal2 yang gue mau.. tapi experience2 yang gue alamin belakangan ini ngebuat gue buat berpikir lagi..

kadang untuk bisa bahagia, kita harus membuat orang lain menderita.. ato membuat diri sendiri menderita.. mungkin itu kali ya jalan gue? gue harus selalu menderita dan sedih terus2an biar orang2 yang bener2 gue sayangin bisa ngerasa bahagia..

hm..

speechless rasanya..

=/

Niagara Falls

2005-07-07T01:06:00.000-07:00

Here.. here.. you can click it to enlarge!

i got company

2005-07-03T12:18:00.000-07:00

yup

my mom, dad, and my brother came last tuesday.. and they are staying here untill next friday.. ^_^ so i'm kinda happy now..

well, not that happy because i can't always take them to see around because i have to go to school, group meetings and all those crappy college things (>_<).

i have showed them my campus, downtown area, some malls, and restaurants. and tomorrow we're heading to niagara falls ^_^ i, myself, have never been there before, so i'm kinda excited.

i still miss 'her' though.. very2 much.. i wish she was here with us, i would be happier.. oh i miss her so much.. (>_<). i still owe her a cute handbag.. i hope i will be able to find it soon. i was going to buy it today, but suddenly my team mate called and told that we had a meeting today. damn! so i went to the meeting and almost didn't do anything. (>_<).

hm it's 12:15 am right now and i still can't get asleep. and we're supposed to wake up and get ready at 4 am. oh shoot, that's less than 4 hours to sleep. i still can't sleep. what happens to me? should i just stay awake? but if i do that, then i won't be able to be the second driver tomorrow if my uncle is tired. hm.. i don't know, i'm confused. i have to try to sleep again.

oh well, about niagara falls, i'll tell you about it later, ok? ^_^

alone

2005-06-24T20:45:00.000-07:00

weekends..

nothing to do.. well, there is, actually.. a bunch of programming assignment things that i don't even understand.. nothing to watch.. no friends.. nobody to talk to.. nobody to chat to.. nobody to share with.. nobody to hang out with.. shit!

what a great life i have.. (>_<)

shit.. shit.. shit.. and shit.. arggghhhhh....

kangen

2005-06-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

(indo mode: on)

hm.. hari ini bener2 kangen banget.. ga cuma kangen ma 'dia' aja.. tapi kangen juga sama semuanya.. kangen masakan indo, kangen temen2 smp, sma.. kangen kehidupan gue yang dulu deh..

tadi ngebahas makanan2 indo sama edo, ada macem2 gorengan, ketoprak, somay, batagor, bakmie ayam, dll.. pokoknya semua makanan enak2 ada di indo.. hm, seberapa jauh kita berada, pasti akan selalu kangen juga ya ma our home..

kangen juga ma temen2 smp, dulu kita selalu ngumpul bareng2.. nge-'gank' istilahnya.. hehe jalan kemana2 seringnya bareng2.. bikin pr ato tugas bareng2.. sayang kalo ulangan ga bole bikinnya bareng2 juga hehehe.. tapi asik banget de rasanya..

rebutan beli makanan di kantin.. "bu nasi bali satuuu.. nasi goreng satuuu... pempeknya duaaa... saosnya manaaa??" waa kalo denger2 teriakan2 kayak gitu lagi tu suka senyum2 sendiri.. kadang masi suka terngiang2 di kepala.. ato jajanan2 macemnya mie bangka, bubur ayam, ato liang teh, ato minuman buahnya si engko.. hehehe lucu dan nikmat kalo dipikir2 lagi..

jadi inget waktu ke puncak rame2.. maen pingpong yang sampe sekarang blom selese n masi seri 1-1.. inget lagi, waktu si frans n martin loncat2an ngecer bolanya, meanwhile gue ma pon2 cuma nyantai2 gitu maennya.. hihi.. oiya, sempet tidur di ruang tengah villa gara2 kamarnya dikunciin ma edo.. si oche sempet tidur terlentang di atas meja billyard.. heuheuhe..

tadi sempet cerita2 juga ma edo tentang gimana kita bisa kenal si devi, kakak kelas yang dulu sempet jadi lektor putih nan imut n berambut hitam cantik.. hehe gimana ceritanya si devi ngajak gue jalan2 ke TA bareng temen2nya.. dimana gue pertama kalinya ketemu 'dia'.. cerita2 juga ttg gimana awal mulanya gue deket ma 'dia'...

hm.. semuanya bikin gue kangen banget de hari ini.. pengen rasanya balik lagi ke masa2 itu.. masa2 dimana gue selalu tersenyum.. masa2 dimana kayaknya temen2 selalu bisa ngumpul n nemenin kita.. ga kayak sekarang.. individualistis n ego lebih banyak bermain.. semuanya pengen nyenengin dirinya sendiri.. *sigh* i can't blame anybody..

sekarang yang gue rasain cuma hampa n kosong.. people say "today is present", but sounds bullshit to me.. i'd rather choose past and future to make myself happy.. at least smile.. walopun itu juga susah.. *sigh*

kangen.. :(

summer: day 1

2005-06-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

huaaaaa.... i'm soooooo tired...

only 3 classes today, but it feels like... umm.. i don't know.. can't even say it..

leaving at 9 am and getting back home at 9 pm is not a really fun thing to do. in fact, i probably will stay even longer at school later on because my group has decided to have a meeting every monday and wednesday after class (>_<)

oh well, don't expect me to see me online very often this quarter. 6 classes with the combination of 5 major classes and 1 ece lab class might kill me. but, hey.. i got a lot of positive supports from my family and my special one, so.. i think i'm gonna try my best here.. ^_^ wish me luck..

let's see how i'm gonna break my limit this time.. ^_^

and only for her... and also my family, of course.. ^_^

summer quarter begins

2005-06-20T01:23:00.000-07:00

sigh..

so this is it.. summer quarter!

i don't know why, but i'm not excited this summer. i know that this quarter will only last for 8 months instead of 10 months, but it just doesn't excites me.

today i was hunting that silly external HD to 5 different officemaxes, but still couldn't be able to get one. they're all sold out. but the ridiculous thing is that i was the first there before the door even opened yet, and once i stepped in and ask about the drive, they said it's already sold out. (>_<)

and i checked couple of minutes ago on the inet, it says that those HDs are already sold out nationwide. the only place you can get them now is EBAY. yup, ones who can actually get it and don't really need it, sell them back in ebay and of course WITH THE UNDISCOUNTED PRICE. ASSHOLES!!! (>_<)

oh well, maybe it's not my luck this time.

my parents and my brother should've arrived in LA right now. they said they would call, but no incoming calls to my cell till now. hm, maybe they just can't find a place to buy the phonecard. i'll just wait till tomorrow then. i hope they're alright. well, at least my brother can speak english a little bit better than my parents, so i don't need to worry right now.

(sigh) i can't sleep.. but i have to because tomorrow i have to go to campus. but i'm not sleepy. hm.. i miss her.. can't wait to see her again.. i miss her hug.. :(

i hope summer quarter ends soon.. hix.. :(

angan

2005-06-15T07:05:00.000-07:00

Angan

Memandang bintang
Berteman embun
Membawa khayalku
Jauh terbang tinggi

Hanya ombak kecil
Sesekali berbisik
Buyarkan angan yang
Jauh terbang tinggi

Di mana kini akan ku cari
Agar semua yang kudamba
Tak hanya dalam mimpi-mimpiku

Detik-detik yang kulewati denganmu
Lebih berharga dari setiap nafasku
Kusadari itu kaulah mimpiku...

Biar mentari tak lagi menyinari
Dan bulan pun tak lagi menerangi
Kan tetap ku cari mimpi-mimpiku

Semoga nanti kan ada
Di setiap waktu bersamamu
Agar sepi yang ada
Tak akan lagi menemani

a quiet morning

2005-06-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

yup, i'm still all alone.

rice, fried chicken stripes, and a glass of orange juice tasted pretty good this morning. again, acompanied only by my lovely lappy playing a mellow song, it's not bad to have a quiet morning like this.

anyway, i'm staring at 2 turtles of my cousin's right now. i don't know if they are happy or not right now (which of course probably not because they're trapped in a fish tank ;p), but they are really active. they never give up climbing that slippery wall of the tanks (which kinda stupid actually hehe). should i be like that ? never give up? hm.. what if i became like them, never give up but actually never succeed either? (>_<)

i'm afraid.. afraid that all of my hardworks will be useless. i'm afraid that everything doesn't go well as i have planned. hm, sometimes it sucks to know that God is still the one who is in charge of everything i do. (>_<)

hm, alright, i need to go to work now.. bye bye turtles!

being alone

2005-06-13T03:34:00.000-07:00

so here i am..

3 am in the morning, sitting on the couch, watching some old movies, eating some ice cream, and only accompanied by a lovely laptop. yeah.. i'm ALONE.. i thought being home alone was pretty fun. I could do anything without anybody complaining. well yeah, but then i started to think. a thought of how fun and how exciting it would be if there's someone special accompanying me. especially right now. :(

i miss her so bad. i love her so much. but i don't know what to do. am i happy now? i don't know. what do you think? *sigh*

so i did go to a graduation today. not mine of course. but 7500 OSU students'. they were so happy. they smiled a lot. one thing that i rarely do lately. it felt kinda good to see them hugging, kissing, or taking pictures with their families, relatives, loved ones, and friends. flowers, balloons, or cards everywhere made this day a real complete day for them. very nice. i wish i could feel something like that too when i graduate next year.

ahh..

don't know what to do.. :(

a plan

2005-06-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

i don't know why, but i'm kinda afraid of that words..
i used to plan everything. i plan about what kind of life i should be. i plan about what goals should be in my head. i plan about the dreams i should get.
but those plans don't always work and i realized now that it really scares me.
i'm scared that my plans are not going to work well. i'm scared that if it doesn't work well then it's gonna hurt my feelings. i'm afraid of being hurt. :(

i'm not happy this moment. i'm not happy.. :(
i'm scared.. :-(

missing someone

2005-06-09T00:52:00.000-07:00

should i just stop my hiatus? hm don't know what to do right now.
sometimes i feel like i don't have anybody to talk to. and when it happens, i need something like this blog so i can just put all of my thoughts from my head to it.
i feel lonely. and currently missing someone. someone who i really care, who i really love.
love does hurt and love does make people do crazy things.
and when you realize that you really2 love this special someone, you will never stop loving. even if you have to move on. you just can't stop loving this special one.
you just can't...
or at least I can't...
...

missing you..

i hate my life

2005-06-04T21:14:00.000-07:00

the hiatus haven't stopped yet, i just wanna say something that i actually don't wanna say it.. but since i can't help it anymore... yah, I HATE THIS SHITTY LIFE!!

i may not be happy forever... i may not be allowed to be happy... and maybe i just can't be happy... but i hope at least i can make someone else happy... and if i can't... i'm so sorry, i'm really sorry... i have tried my best... i'm sorry... :-(

hiatus

2005-05-19T10:30:00.000-07:00

before i do that, i just wanna ask this question..

"what would you do if the one who you love so much 'hurts' your feeling so bad?"

hm.. i know that not so many people come here and even my friends rarely check this blog, and it makes me stupid to have a blog like this.. hm.. but i'm expecting some good answers from you, whoever wants to answer that question.

ok, i'm on hiatus now.. bye..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"life is both bitter and sweet, that's why a cup of bitter coffee with a sweet chocolate cake is always a good combination" (by inex, a friend i don't even know)

Within you is the strength to meet life's challenges

2005-05-18T22:51:00.000-07:00

You are stronger than you think
remember to stand tall.
Every challenge in your life
helps you to grow.
Every problem you encounter
strengthens your mind and your soul.
Every trouble you overcome
increases your understanding of life...

When all your troubles weigh heavily
on your shoulders,
remember that beneath the burden
you can stand tall,
because you are never given
more than you can handle
and you are stronger
then you think.

~Lisa Wroble.

shopping!!!

2005-05-16T01:13:00.000-07:00

my lovely gf told me that shopping is one of the best cures of any stressfulness. well, i was so stressful last time, so i tried this kind of cure. and it works hehe

i did some shopping yesterday and today. i bought so many things. i ate different kinds of food. watched some new movies and had some fun this weekend. and i think i'm not stressed anymore. but tomorrow is monday already, it means that i have to face a lot of homeworks, labs, tests, spreadsheets, and bla bla bla.. shit!

but anyway, i watched unleashed and monster in law last friday night. unleashed was so so, a lil bit boring i can say. well, jet li's actions were fine (although most of them are computerized), but the story itself is strange and a lil bit boring. PLUS, the couple beside me at that time were so horny and they made a movie themself, so i was kinda disturbed (>_<).

HOWEVER, monster in law was great. it was hilarious. J-Lo and Jane Fonda play really great. this movie kinda make me think to be prepared hehe well, just in case my future mother in law is like that hehehe ;p (but i don't think she's like that.. ^_^)

oh by the way, with the dvd burner and the 512 mb usb flash drive that i just bought today, i think my "equipments" are almost complete hehe.. i'm so excited with this new burner. i want so get some dvds and copy them all. hahahaha.. but actually, i bought it so i can store and back up all my data and put them all in some dvds, and then i can reformat my pc. my pc is a piece of trash already. so many virusses and spywares there. so reformat it would be a good idea, don't you think? ^_^

hoahm.. i'm kinda sleepy already. hm a glass of sweet wine before bed time would be a great idea, but naahh.. i can't do that, the wine is with christ undap. i don't want to drag myself go to his house at this time.

hoahm.. so i better shut it up and go to sleep!

bye ^_^

Bug Language

2005-05-13T21:01:00.000-07:00

now i understand why people cannot easily understand how bugs communicate to each other.

BUGS have the best teamworks. they can built amazing nests in a very short amount of time. they have unique languages so that the command or order from the higher level bugs to the lower level bugs can be interpreted directly and easily.

BUT.. the language SUCKS!

we've been creating a program called BUG LANGUAGE. this language is supposed to be a language for a game called BUGS WORLD. this game is a battle between species of bugs. so we have to able to interpret the commands used by each species of the bugs. once the commands are interpreted, the battle begins.

BUT to do that.. i and my teammate, spent more than 10 hours just to make those bugs turn left, turn right, move, skip, infect, jump, bla bla bla.. (>_<)

i'm glad it's finished already. thanks to my teammate for helping! hufh!

now, weekend time! a time to procrastinate!

sunday morning..

2005-05-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

hoahm..

just woke up. and i realized that i didn't turn off the light last night ;p i hope it's not burnt hehe

omg, my room is a mess. a destroyed ship might be better than this (>_<) it's been a busy week and i don't have time to clean up this room. i haven't vacuumed it since 2 or 3 weeks ago. shame on me.

well, anyway. sunday already. shit, why does weekend always end fast? think about this, we have to go to school or work 4 or 5 times a week and we only get 2 days for weekend. fair enough? not for me. why don't they just make 3 days weekend and 3 days workday? it sounds pretty fair to me, although it would be better if 2 wordays and 4 days weekends and so on hehe ;p

hm.. let see, today's plan:
1. do some shitty lab assignment that's due on wednesday (it's hard huaaaa... hix!)
2. group meeting at 2 pm and finish up the homework for wednesday
3. do EE homework for tomorrow

alright, let's make it like that for today. i hope it all works.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

becareful with some animations

2005-05-07T12:42:00.000-07:00

don't end up like this!

life doesn't go so smooth lately..

2005-05-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

yes, i can tell..

it sure doesn't.. i have lots of unsmooth things going on here (>_<)

my grades are fucked up, my body aches everywhere, i got headache all the time.. arrgghhh makes me wanna scream so loud.

i don't know what to do man..

i don't know what to do..

why can life be so hard and tough? damnit!

funny t-shirts

2005-05-05T02:21:00.000-07:00

hey, i just realized that i haven't blogged for a while.

yeah, i've been busy with all of these crappy assignments, midterms, and stuff like that. but they're pretty much done now. don't know about the results though hehe ;p

well, i got some of midterms back today. and the funny thing is that i got 65/100 for EE. and i still got A for that hahaha. i like that kind of curve. ;p

well, anyway, i was watching tv and there was a show about britney. i guess it's called "the most shocking moments of britney" or something like that. and it tells about all crazy things that britney did like all of her tatoos, her slutty behaviors, or her 55 hours marriage.

but the thing that i like the most was when they show about britney's funny and naughty t-shirts collection. hahaha. she's just naughty. she owns a t-shirt that says "i'm still a virgin.. (but this is an old t-shirt)" hahaha and also, "MILF in training" haha she's just a bitch.

even, in her wedding, all of her family had to wear training suits with "pimp" on the back. her mom got "hot mama" and her dad got "pimp daddy" on their back. hahaha.

well, a young and sexy girl with million dollars of money.. what can you say? ;p

lastly, try this game here funny pingpong
my best so far is 15 hehe ;p

weekend, I love you..

2005-04-30T07:05:00.000-07:00

omg, finally weekend again..

another has passed, yay.. but another stressful week awaits (>_<) yaiikkss..

yesterday, my EE midterm was fucked up, and i felt like want to burn down that whole EE department.

And the funny thing is when i was in dreese lab, which is the building of where EE and CSE department located, and when i walked towards the second floor where the EE department located, suddenly the fire alarm rang haha. great, somebody has the same thoughts as mine ;p

i told that story to several other CSE majors and asked if they have the same thoughts like mine, and they're all agree. EE just sucks. and one of my friends even said," let's just burn all the second floor of dreese lab until caldwell!! " hahaha well yeah, the whole second floor of dreese lab and caldwell lab are EE's. ;p

hm.. anyway, i miss my "sweet bunny" in melbourne.. hix2.. i really hope that this coming fall break, i will able to be with her longer than last time. i wanna be with her in melbourne and in indo. i wanna spend more times with her. i hope everything's gonna be alright. hix.

what a busy week

2005-04-26T20:02:00.000-07:00

this week is so tough.

i almost can't breathe. everyday i have so many things to do. homeworks, spreadsheets, labs, quizzes, midterms.. geezz.. can't breathe man, can't breathe..

i'm totally stressed out. i'm goin' crazy, especially with EE courses. EE courses are the worst courses ever. the courses are dumbasses, the teachers are dumbasses, and the students majoring in it are also dumbasses.

i'm taking this EE320 class this quarter and it's killing me. i completely don't understand what the professor says. he keeps babbling about transistors, diodes, and saying dirty words, i mean EE dirty words. (>_<) that's just stupid! (or it's probably just ME who is stupid? ;p)

and did i tell you about why EE or ECE students and CSE or CIS students can't get along well together? well yeah.. because EE or ECE students think that they are greater and better than us. i even heard an EE student said,"your program will just be a piece of shit if there's no computer that we produce!"

is that so? hell no, computers that don't have programs in it are the ones that should be called shits. we, programmers, are the ones who create the "brains" of your computers. that's the most important thing in a computer, not the circuits!

that's why i hate EE or ECE or whatever that is so much. ass!!

hm, alright for today, i have to go back to work now. everyday is a due date! (>_<)

will it be fair?

2005-04-22T08:37:00.000-07:00

will it be fair if you are having a bad day and then all of your friends and everybody else around you get upset because you don't act really friendly at that day?

ok, let say A is having a bad day. and since B is A's best friend, B says hi to A and tries to start a conversation with A. but then A is ignoring B. B gets upset, and asks A why A acts that way today. but A is still ignoring B. so B leaves and gets really upset. and then comes C, which is also A's good friend. C does the same thing as B does. but A ignores C too. so C leaves with all of the curiousness.

now, is that fair to both B and C?

well, i guess not for me.

btw, i have to go now, class starts in about 40 minutes (>_<)

depressed? >_<

2005-04-21T13:10:00.000-07:00

yup.. i think i am.. (>_<) i don't know what's wrong with me, but i think this quarter it's gonna be tough for me. hm.. it seems that every class that i take this quarter is really hard. well, maybe not, maybe it's just me that's dumb (>_<) i don't know.. but the truth is, i'm worried and afraid now.. (>_<)

anyway, i tried to put a music player for this blog, but don't know why, i still couldn't figure it out. i followed all the instructions, but nothing's happened :( and i didn't do homeworks for friday (>_<)

i'm tired.. and next week is going to be really2 tough for me.. :( all labs are due, midterms, homeworks, and papers, and so on, and so on. arrgghhh.. i really need a break from all of these. can't wait for summer break.. and then autumn break which i can spend my time with my lovely gf in aussie.. ^_^ hm miss her so much..

well, today my dad told me that i have to be able to get a scholarship in aussie for my master degree, since here in US they don't give any scholarships to an insternational student. Well, i'm glad.. i'm really glad.. and happy.. ^_^ because it means that i can be with my gf again soon. yay! ^_^ well, wish me luck so i can get that scholarship.. ^_^

hm.. better starts the homeworks now.. umm maybe just a little bit today.. hehe ;p

bubye! ^_^

EE sucks!!!

2005-04-18T02:27:00.000-07:00

i'm telling you guys.. EE definitely sucks..

and it's not only the major that sucks but also the people majoring in it and the professors too..

FUCK YOU EE major, EE students, and EE professors!!!!

Fools Rush In

2005-04-13T01:15:00.000-07:00

probably one of the best romantic movies i've ever seen. it was an old movie, but i don't know why i like that movie so much. The famous casts were Matthew Perry (Chandler in Friends) and the pretty Latin-blooded Salma Hayek. I think they played really well in that movie ^_^

then how come i could watch that kind of movie in the middle of these homeworks and quizes? I, myself, can't answer that question. I was crazy enough with all of those homeworks, so i decided to watch that movie. some kind of pain reliever for me, i guess ;p but yeah, fuck those homeworks! i don't know how to answer those homeworks anymore, i don't even understand the materials (>_<), so yeah.. fuck them!! I'm stressful enough already, i'm crazy enough already, i'm tired enough already, and i suck!! :(

hm.. i miss my gf so much.. :( probably i've said that thousands of times, but yeah i would say more, i would keep saying that, because i love her so much.. i love her soooooo muuuucccchhh... :) i hope she does too.. ^_^

hm alright, time to sleep!!

exercises = tired!!!

2005-04-09T14:05:00.000-07:00

i'm so damn tired. i played basketball again today. and it was so tired. i was going to go home after the second game, but then my friends told me to play another one. so i did play another one and the result is that i'm so damn tired right now.

anyway, my gf made me so worried today. i realized that she's afraid of listening to ghost stories or watching spooky movies or something scary like that. well, i admit that i used to frighten her so many times back then by telling her some spooky stories. but i don't do that anymore. i have realized that for me, she's more important than anything. so i don't want to make her feel bad things. but today, she told me that one of her friends was being a jerk by trying to tell her some scary stories. and since she's always curious about anything, she asked that jerk a little by little about that scary stories. and yup, she's scared. and it really freaks me out when i know that she's in trouble. she was like very2 scared. i don't know what exactly happened, but it really scared me out that she acted like that.. (>_<) but fortunately, she's alright. if that fuckin' jerk dare to make her scared like that again, i'ma break his neck!! no kidding!! asshole!!

oh ya.. i bought a "UNIX for dummies" book today hehe.. well, i bought it from the half price book store and it's not the new edition. so it's kinda cheap. but i think it might be pretty useful to me since OSU uses UNIX in most of the labs.

hm.. alright, i think i should sleep now. i'm so tired.
bubye!

^_^

the audioblogger is cool..

2005-04-06T21:32:00.000-07:00

hehe just want to let you know guys that audioblogger is pretty awesome.. we can blog by phone from wherever we are. alright then, time to do homework again.. (>_<)

audioblogger

2005-04-06T19:39:00.000-07:00

basketball can be so fun and not fun.. ;p

2005-04-02T09:08:00.000-08:00

yup.. i played basketball again yesterday with my friends.

it's been about 4 months since last time i played. i didn't play basketball during winter time. the reason is simple. it's cold. hehe but all my friends always argue. how come it's cold when we play indoor basketball? haha still, it's cold for me.. ;p (well, you know the real reason.. LAZINESS!! haha..)

so, because it's spring now. and it's not really cold anymore. i try to play basketball again every week. more over, my body need some exercises too. marcell always asks me to go to gym with him again. but i always refuse. simple reason, i don't like being around with people who are on a diet program. geezz.. in my opinion, people who diet are somehow stupid. if you wanna be skinny and look good, why don't you just live in a healthy life? do exercises, eat healthy food, have enough rest, and don't smoke, or do drugs, etc. why do you have to force yourself to not eat something or to count calories? (>_<)

fortunately, my love doesn't do that. ^_^ i love watching her eating. especially when she's starving. ;p but somehow, she doesn't eat much when she go out or eat in a restaurant with me. probably she's just shy. hihi. but it's alright, i'm happy that she doesn't count that stupid calories. ^_^

but anyway, i'm tired today. my body is aching (is this the correct spelling? ;p) everywhere. and my stomach hurts really bad. still sleepy, but when i opened my blog, i saw edo's telling me to post something. haha so yeah, this is for you do.. hahaha are you happy now? ;p well, i it's been a while since my last post. i admit that i don't blog regularly again these days. and i don't know why either. hehe but don't worry, this blog ain't dead yet. ^_^

oya, btw, how come i can't say no when people ask me to do something again? geeezzz.. i hate it. please help me. :(

at school..

2005-03-29T12:19:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting like an idiot here alone in the comp lab.. daydreaming about my love one.. hmm i miss her sooo muuuaaacccchhhh....

the end of spring break

2005-03-27T03:25:00.000-08:00

so this is it.
the spring break is ended and i have to g back to school tomorrow. sigh.

we had a BBQ dinner last night. and it was ok. i pretty enjoyed it ^_^ we grilled beefs and bratwursts. mira got us some tiramisu cakes (it was good but just too much rum in it ;p) then we went to church to celebrate easter eve. oh that's right.. happy easter guys!! ^_^

easter means forgiveness right? so yeah, i think i will give a lot of forgiveness to all people in my life. i definitely give a lot of forgiveness. yup.. i will.. ^_^

but today.. umm.. i don't know. feel very mellow today.. :( i don't know what's wrong with me.. i feel a lil bit unsecured and i'm scared.. my bad feelings strike me again. and it feels not really good. very2 not good. :(

hm.. i'm really scared that something's gonna happen and that will hurt me so bad. i hate being in this kind of feeling :( arrrgghhh what the hell is wrong with me? can anybody help?

hix2.. and i miss my special someone so much.. i'm staring at her picture while typing this thing now.. hehe i really couldn't wait to see her again. all day, all night.. my head, my heart, and even my blood.. all are filled with her cute smile.. aww.. i miss her so badddd... i love her so so so so so muuuuccccchhhhhhhhh.. and i hope she really loves me too..

pusing

2005-03-22T23:22:00.000-08:00

indonesian mode: on

hari ini pusing banget.. puuusssssiiiiiiiinnnnngggggggg......
harusnya pengen hepi2 pagi2 tadi.. tapi ternyata ga bisa..
jaadi banyak banget pikiran.. rasanya sampe sesek di dada..
kayak ada batu guede segede2nya yang stuck di leher sama di dada.. hm.. mungkin emang ga akan pernah bole hepi kali yah.. :(

pusing ga kira2.. ga mood ngapa2in.. sampe makan aja ngga.. (>_<)
parah sih.. hm.. tapi mo gimana lagi.. :(

mungkin mati tu enak de.. tapi kenapa mati tu selalu identik sama hal yang jelek yah? padahal kan ga ada yang tau juga..

hm.. puuuusssssiiiiinnggggg... pengen pecah ni kepala..

spring is coming..

2005-03-18T07:32:00.000-08:00

finally, the winter quarter is almost over. (bikini time? hehe ;p)

and the final exams are also already over. but how are my grades? don't know yet. well, i got a B already. (>_<) i guess my gpa is going down again this time. hix!

anyway, don't care about that right now. i just wanna enjoy this spring break for a while. before i gotta work again on monday (>_<).

oh, yesterday, i shopped again. haha. i wasn't going to shop actually. i just accompanied marcell to shop. he needed a new pair of shoes and a bag. so i, mira, and he went to the mall and all the shoe stores around here. but there is this store that sells many sweaters, i mean good sweaters, only for $2 each. so yeah, i bought some. hehe ;p

hm.. i miss her so much lately. but still can't talk to her that much. she's still very2 busy. and i don't wanna bother her. although, of course, i wanna tell stories or something with her. or probably just laughing and joking around with her. uh, i miss her so much. i miss her really2 bad.. hix :(

hm.. and this new song. very nice isn't it? ^_^ although, i don't understand the entire song, but i guess it still can be the reflection of my "missing her so much" feeling hehe. i love this new song. ^_^ hope she will love it too. ^_^

i miss you honey, i just wanna be with you !!

when all sannins get together..

2005-03-15T12:14:00.000-08:00

when a villain, a perverted guy, and a bad-but-good-looking gambler get together..
this is it:

hehe ;p

shopping before exams!!

2005-03-10T20:10:00.000-08:00

haha yup, that's what i did today. i shopped!

well, actually i can't say it's shopping because all i did was just buying this new wallet. ;p

how about my old one? is it broken already? nope. my old one is alright. i bought a new one because most of my friends complained that it was too small. they joke around and said that i'm cheap. i don't want to carry money around. and bla bla bla.

so today i bought this new wallet. it's not really cool but i like its simplicity. and the most important thing is it's not expensive ;p. it has no brand or anything. so don't ask the brand name! ;p

so here it is:

in the last picture, you can see that i don't have any cash money. and i don't like to carry cash money. that's one of the reason why i didn't want to replace my old one. why don't i want to carry cash money? because i have a credit card and it's simpler to use a credit card than cash money. we don't have to count. just slide the card and sign it. am i correct? hehe (i know what you're thinking.. procrastinator, right? ;p)

oh well, i'm pretty bored today. but my homework is still not done yet. i've done some. and this is THE LAST one for this quarter. phew.

hm alright, i think i better get this done now. see yah!

^_^

sleeping problem

2005-03-09T02:40:00.000-08:00

yup. i guess i have that kind of problem. especially when the exams are coming.

geez.. homeworks, quizzes, labs never stop (>_<)

and today, i still have another quiz for tomorrow. 1 last quiz for ECE300.

so i was thinking.. i'm gonna study after taking a nap for a while. maybe 2 hours. BUT, it turned out to be more than 4 hours nap. haha ;p and then, when i was ready to open the note, my laziness dominated my mind AGAIN ;p

then i thought a small dinner would refresh me; would at least make me awake completely and get rid of my laziness. so i went to the kitchen, warmed up something and started eating. finished with dinner, i went back to my room. started opening the note again, but suddenly, my laziness stroke back (>_<). so yeah, i ended up with nothing. i looked some of the hw solutions in the book and tried to figure out what happens in the note from there. but still, i couldn't understand.

so i don't know what will happen tomorrow. just pray! ;p

alright, need some sleep!
bye!

oh wait, have you guys seen "hitch"? I haven't but i want to (though don't know when..) and this is one of the good quotes from that movie: "life is not measured by the breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

^_^ so true!!

Finally Found Someone

2005-03-07T22:30:00.000-08:00

I Finally Found Someone

(Barbara Streisand/Bryan Adams)

I finally found someone, that knocks me off my feet
I finally found the one, that makes me feel complete
We started over coffee, we started out as friends
It's funny how from simple things, the best things begin

This time it's different, dah dah dah dah
It's all because of you, dah dah dah dah
It's better than it's ever been
'Cause we can talk it through
Oohh, my favorite line was "Can I call you sometime?"
It's all you had to say to take my breath away

This is it, oh, I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one, to be with every night
'Cause whatever I do, it's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone, ooh, someone
I finally found someone, oooh

Did I keep you waiting, I didn't mind
I apologize, baby, that's fine
I would wait forever just to know you were mine
And I love your hair, are you sure it looks right?
I love what you wear, isn't it too tight?
You're exceptional, I can't wait for the rest of my life

This is it, oh, I finally found someone

Someone to share my life

I finally found the one, to be with every night

'Cause whatever I do, it's just got to be you

My life has just begun

I finally found someone, ooh, someone

I finally found someone, oooh

Whatever I do, it's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone

when the finals are coming..

2005-03-06T21:13:00.000-08:00

people are going crazy everytime the final week is coming. it's almost like if there's a war or something. everybody is panic.

well, how about me? umm.. probably yeah. me too. but not because of the studying thing. this sickness is the thing what makes me panic. yup, i'm still sick till today. (>_<) which is sad. which is bad.

though i feel a bit better. i still have to be well next week. otherwise, i really can't survive during that final week. both the finals and the illness might kill me at the same time. (>_<)

so yeah, i did take a lot of rest today and yesterday. this weekend if i can say. i didn't go anywhere. didn't shop anything. oh wait, i did shop something. it was for my special one. i bought her some flowers, but i guess she didn't like it that much. first it's because the flowers weren't as good as i thought. and second, because they delivered it at the wrong time! (>_<)

all i can say now is just sorry. i never meant to make you mad or angry. just wanna see you smile. i'm sorry for what had happened. :(

hm.. ok that's it for now. gotta do something else here. see ya..

^_^

the gadgets

2005-03-04T19:50:00.000-08:00

yay!! another weekend!! ^_^

and the second midterm's week has passed.. hahaha. now just wait for the final!! and then SPRING BREAK!! yay.. lots of bikinis again.. everywhere.. ;p

anyway, today there were some odd things happened. remember last wednesday i told you about a midterm that was very2 hard?i got the grade today (well, not really actually 'coz i only saw it on the web ;p) and it turned out to be okay. i got 83 out of 100. and the average was 66.7. i don't know if he's gonna curve it or not. but i'm not worried anymore now ^_^. but still, i'm confused, how come i got 83 (which is better than my first midterm that's supposed to be easier). i wasn't even sure that any of my answers was correct. >_< but who cares? hehe i'm pretty much happy right now ^_^

that was the first odd thing today. the second one was about the stat midterm. remember i told you that i hate midterms because of the time constraint? and i also told you that i was able to do that stat midterm if the time was sufficient. but.. hehe apparently that's not what happened. i got 74/100 for that midterm. and the problem wasn't all on the time constraint. the major problem was on the formula i picked for solving the problems ;p i picked wrong formula for most of my wrong answers ;p hehe oh well, maybe i have to work harder for the finals then. ^_^ wish me luck ok? ^_^

alright, enough about midterms, now.. some people around me have been talking about this new communication gadgets. pdaphones, smartphones, cameraphones, telephones.. hehe ignore the last one ;p

so here's some new gadgets i found on the net:

these are Sony Ericsson W800 and K750. Mobile Burn has more info on two upcoming Sony Ericsson handsets that were announced in Cannes, the W800 (the first phone to be branded as a ‘Walkman,’) and the K750 [right]. Both candybar phones look sort of fantastic, with built-in 2 megapixel sensors with autofocus, as well as the ability to play back music from removable MemoryStick Duo flash cards.
here's the link: mobileburn

this is LG's new cellphone with built-in 5.0 megapixels camera in it. LG is planning on releasing it in April of this year, presumably only in Korea to start.

this is Motorola A1010, the newer version of A1000. This new A1010 keeps the touchscreen, but adds a 2-megapixel camera and support for TransFlash memory cards. This smartphone should be available in Q4 of 2005.

and lastly, check this link out: Petals Around the Rose

the professor who created this said that the smarter you were, the longer it took to figure it out . haha very funny. i took about an hour to figure it out. i don't know which category of smartness i should be in, though. ;p

sick and busy.. :-(

2005-03-03T22:55:00.000-08:00

i can't post much today..

i'm sick.. and very2 busy.. (>_<)

still have a midterm tomorrow and tons of homeworks..

wish me luck ok?

bye..

another failure.. :-(

2005-03-02T22:02:00.000-08:00

huaaa.. today's midterm was horrible.. :(

hix2.. i'm worried.. very2 worried.. :( we got only 3 problems, but they were so damn hard. and again, the time constraint!! arrggghhh.. i'm not getting an A for that class.. hix.. i hope it's not C again.. i'm dead if it's C.. >_<

i'm very2 upset. i didn't go to work today so i could study. i even skipped a class for that. but still.. hix.. :( now my only hope is that he would give us a big2 curve. i really2 hope he would do that. :( sigh..

anyway, i realized today that i'm fat. hehe. usually i don't even care about my tummy. but, this morning when i looked at myself in front of a mirror. wow, my tummy is pretty big now. haha ;p

this winter i don't play basketball every friday as usual. i'm too lazy to move in this cold quarter. and i might eat more often than before because the weather is too cold. so yah, maybe because all of that. hehe. but i will play basketball again next quarter. don't worry. i hope my tummy won't be as big as now ;p

hehe aight, i need to study now.. still tomorrow's a midterm day >_<

let the ball rolls!!

2005-03-01T20:28:00.000-08:00

finallyyyy...

the roller coaster project is done.. ^_^ umm well, not all done since we still have to write the final report and to the presentation, but we can say that the hardest part is already done. ^_^

and i'm so excited because today our coaster worked very2 nice ^_^ we got 95/100!! yay!!

we built the coaster in less than 30 minutes. then we got 3 chances to get the ball rolled smoothly from the starting point 'till the end of the track. we failed in the first run. then we fixed and adjusted all the banking angles again. then suddenly the ball rolled very2 smoothly in the second run. at that time, we gained 88 points already ^_^ then we put our speed trap circuit on to the track to get the velocity of the ball. and since our circuit also worked well and we could get the velocity. they added some more points so that the total was 95 ^_^ we got deducted 5 points though because apparently we didn't use all of the 25 feet track and the dimension of our coaster itself was too long. but it's alright. 95/100 is good enough ^_^ i'm happy!

so here are some of the pics i took using my cellphone ^_^

well, i know they are not really clear and the sizes are small. but what can you expect from this tiny camera phone? --.--'

anyway..

AGAIN, i almost got my self into a car accident this afternoon. i was trapped in a snow storm again. and my car almos spinned 3 times. then i almost hit a car in front of me which suddenly stopped (>_<). fuck, i hate snow.

and tomorrow, there's still gonna be snow! (>_<) fuck!

one reason i don't like midterms..

2005-02-28T22:39:00.000-08:00

is because of the time constraint.

i hate it so much when actually i can do the test, but can't finish them up because the time is over. arrgghh..

like today, i could do that stat midterm. but almost couldn't get it done. i didn't even have time to check my answers back. and that makes me worried till now.. (>_<)

and tomorrow, we will have the final testing for our roller coaster. this is the FINAL testing and they will also time how fast we build the coaster. and the time constraint is 30 minutes. if we are not able to build it within 30 minutes, then we will loose a lot of points. (>_<)

i'm scared because last week we didn't make it. guys, pray for us please..

anyway, i was a bit mad this morning when i've been told that someone's hitting on my special one. jealous? umm.. maybe.. but what made me mad was that the guy was bothering her. he made her feel uncomfortable. what a jerk! i wish i could slap or punch him right away! fuckin' asshole!

hm.. i miss the girl so much.. wanna hug her so bad.. :(

love you! ^_^

the dark side

2005-02-27T21:33:00.000-08:00

haha a scary title huh? ;p

yup, it's all because of this star wars game (>_<). in that game, the character we chose could either be in the light side path or in the dark side path. but today i realized, even we chose our character to be in the light side, still WE, OURSELVES, as the players, will fall into the dark side hehe. why is that? because this game is kinda addictive to us. it's like pringles' "once you pop, you can't stop" thing. we can give up almost anything just to be able to play that game (>_<) and nobody can stop that.

i haven't done any homework till now, but luckily, i've make a formula sheet for my stat midterm tomorrow. but haven't got any practice yet (>_<).

edo's worse than me. he gave up more than 29 hours this weekend just to finish that game. he didn't sleep, study, do homework, eat, and even more his gf's mad at him because he didn't pay attention when she talked to him on the phone. haha. that's just sad.

so yeah, we are in the dark side now then (>_<)

hoahm, i'm tired and sleepy now. probably i will have a nap before i continue studying stat.

cao!

"may the force be with you"

2005-02-26T20:44:00.000-08:00

haha i'm finally done with KOTOR1 and currently trying to install KOTOR2. hope it works this time. can't wait to play hehe.

well, edo said that i have to play KOTOR1 one more time and choose the dark side path instead of the light side this time. he said the ending will be different. but i'm just too lazy to play all over again ;p. and more over, i'm curious about what's gonna happen next in KOTOR2. ^_^

this afternoon, i and marcell wanted to eat some sushi. so we went to this japanese restaurant which is like 10 minutes from marcell's place. and once we got there, it's closed. shit!! grr.. (>_<) the restaurant's closed from 2 to 4. so we went to another restaurant (which doesn't sell sushi ;p) and again, once we got there, it's closed (>_<). and we were like starving like almost dying at that time. so finally, we went to this chinese restaurant which is very closed to marcell's place (so i took another 10 minutes, no wait, probably 15..) and which of course doesn't sell sushi. and we ended up eating there. (thank god it's open ;p)

after eating we went to this store. marcell wanted to buy a pair of sandals, and some clothes. but he ended up with nothing. he acted kinda weird today. don't know why. don't wanna know either. so i just kept my mouth shut.

the i went home. oh ya, i got "angels and demons" by dan brown today. so yeah, once i got home, i read it a lil bit. just the first 5 pages. i hope i can finish it later on.

by the way, i have this question that you guys probably can help me find the answer. umm.. what would you do if you have a friend and this friend somehow only care if they need something from you? like for example, they only call you if they need something from you, but if you need something from them and you call them, they somehow never exist. (>_<)

another weekend, yay!

2005-02-25T23:23:00.000-08:00

woohoo..

another weekend!! just woke up. as usual for friday. skip the last class, go home, and sleep! haha ;p

i dreamt about a lot of things today ^^ (slept for more than 6 hours, so there has to be something i dream about right? ;p) some were good and some were bad. one of the bads is that i was being used by all my friends (>_<) well, don't wanna talk about it. it just makes me sick.

anyway, i hope i can finish up KOTOR1 today, so at least i, then, can install KOTOR2 and catch up edo. KOTOR is just awesome. edo's right. this game has a good story line. ^_^

btw, haha i have a little funny story to tell. today i tried to fry this fish. but before that i have to clarify that the fish was dead already. it was cut. and it had no shape like a living fish already. so don't call me a fish killer or something ;p so i tried to fry it. the frying pan's ready. oil's ready. and the fire's ready. so once the oil's hot enough, i put the fish. i waited some time till the fish went darker. and it went very2 dark. haha didn't know why the fish turned so black very2 fast. so i took the fish out. but the fish broke apart very easily. and i dropped some on the floor (>_<). that was this morning. i ate a little burnt broken aparted fish (>_<).

in the afternoon, i tried to fry another one. this time i used a bigger frying pan. i used different type of oil. this time i picked vegetable oil or whatever. then i microwaved the frozen fish first. and put it on to the pan with the hot oil in it. it didn't turn black as fast as before. so i thought it worked. then i tried to find the thing to lift the fish out. you know, the 'thing'.. shaped like a spoon with some kind of filter so that i can take the fish out from the oil but without the oil. i don't know what it's called. but i guess you know what i mean ;p. yeah, i tried to find that. and i couldn't find it. once i looked to the pan again to check if the fish's done. guess?? yeah, it turned black already (>_<) aww shit!

so i took the fish out by not using the 'thing'. i did it with a fork and chopsticks. but i dropped it. (>_<) so i was like.. SCREW YOU FISH!! hehe ;p so then i took the chicken nuggets and fried them. and i ate chicken nuggets instead of fish. haha chicken taste better. and easier to cook. any complaints? hehehe

yup. that was today. ^_^

all of us have magical power

2005-02-24T22:36:00.000-08:00

today was not bad at all. umm, well except the weather of course. it still snowing 'till now. and it's gonna be a lot worse tomorrow. shit!

today's EE lab was the easiest and the shortest. hahaha the instructor forgot where he put the inductor. so we could skip a lot of experiment using an inductor. and so this 3 hour lab could easily be done in only about 20 minutes. hahaha very2 interesting lab. oh yeah, also, this is our last lab. hahaha

anyway, speaking about magic. i dunno why, but i always wanna learn how to do magic. i, once, even asked my advisor if there's any magic course that i can take in OSU hehe ;p well it's just interesting to see a magician doing some tricks and impress some other people. like david blaine for example. or david copperfield. or maybe deddy corbuzier? hehe i wonder if he's still famous in indonesia right now. he's pretty cool with his "all black"-clothing.

oh yeah, and i learnt a card trick today ^_^. this trick allows me to read people's mind. well, it allows me to see through cards actually ;p so i could make a very2 nice and precise guess about what the card that somebody keeps. i haven't showed the trick to anybody yet though. but i will pretty soon. just not today. i have a lot of shits to be finished today.

and i also found this cool picture on the web. check it out!

Keep staring at the black dot. After a while, the gray haze will appear to shrink.

hehe nice isn't it?
and how about this?

Body Magic

How Smart is Your Right Foot?

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. See if you can outsmart your foot,

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor
and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction.

......And there's nothing you can do about it!

see, magic is fun isn't it? ^_^

sigh.. >_<

2005-02-23T21:47:00.000-08:00

i'm tired.. -.-'

another quiz fucked up today.. don't know why.. just don't ask! yesterday i was very2 confident that i would be able to do this last quiz. i could do all the problems. but still, i screwed up again today >_<

was i nervous? umm probably.. because the quiz was very simple actually, but i forgot how to do this KCL/KVL thing which was the key to do this quiz. arrggghhhh, i'm so madd.. >_<

this is so stressful >_< all i wanna hear right now is just her sweet voice. i miss her.

hm.. anyway, i've finished one of friday's hw already which is a good thing, i guess.. ;p then right after posting this blog, i'll be working on tomorrow's homework which is actually almost done ^_^

then after that, dunno what to do.. umm probably chating or browsing.. untill she goes online.. ^_^

don't know what to post todayy.. arrgghhh!!! i'm still upset because of that quiz.. DAMN!!

alright then.. >_<

about friendship

2005-02-22T23:12:00.000-08:00

i found this nice article when i was blogwalking somewhere.. ;p

Menjadi Seorang Sahabat

Ada satu perbedaan antara menjadi seorang kenalan dan menjadi seorang sahabat.

Pertama, seorang kenalan adalah seorang yang namanya kau ketahui, yang kau lihat berkali-kali, yang dengannya mungkin kau miliki persamaan, dan yang disekitarnya kau merasa nyaman. Ia adalah orang yang dapat kau undang ke rumahmu dan dengannya kau berbagi. Namun mereka adalah orang yang dengannya tidak akan kau bagi hidupmu, yang tindakan-tindakannya kadang-kadang tidak kau mengerti karena kau tidak cukup tahu tentang mereka.

Sebaliknya, seorang sahabat adalah seseorang yang kau cintai... Bukan karena kau jatuh cinta padanya, namun kau peduli akan orang itu, dan kau memikirkannya ketika mereka tidak ada.

Sahabat-sahabat adalah orang dimana kau diingatkan ketika kau melihat sesuatu yang mungkin mereka sukai, dan kau tahu itu karena kau mengenal mereka dengan baik.

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang fotonya kau miliki dan wajahnya selalu ada di kepalamu.

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang kau lihat dalam pikiran mu ketika kau mendengar sebuah lagu di radio karena mereka membuat dirimu berdiri untuk menghampiri mereka dan mengajak berdansa dengan mereka atau mungkin kau yang berdansa dengan mereka, mungkin mereka menginjak jari kakimu, atau sekedar menempatkan kepala mereka di pundakmu.

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang diantaranya kau merasa aman karena kau tahu mereka peduli terhadapmu. Mereka menelpon hanya untuk mengetahui apa kabarmu, karena sahabat sesungguhnya tidak butuh suatu alasanpun.

Mereka berkata jujur-pertama kali - dan kau melakukan hal yang sama.

Kau tahu bahwa jika kau memiliki masalah, mereka akan bersedia mendengar.

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang tidak akan menertawakanmu atau menyakitimu, dan jika mereka benar-benar menyakitimu, mereka akan berusaha keras untuk memperbaikinya.

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang kau cintai dengan sadar ataupun tidak.

Mereka adalah orang-orang dengan siapa kau menagis ketika kau tidak diterima di perguruan tinggi dan selama lagu terakhir di pesta perpisahan kelas dan saat wisuda.

Mereka adalah orang-orang yang pada saat kau peluk, kau tak akan berpikir berapa lama memeluk dan siapa yang harus lebih dahulu mengakhiri.

Mungkin mereka adalah orang yang memegang cincin pernikahanmu, atau orang yang mengantarkan / mengiringmu pada saat pernikahanmu, atau mungkin adalah orang yang kau nikahi.

^_^

umm..

2005-02-22T23:04:00.000-08:00

don't know what to post today.. -.-'

i know that every day is unique, but i just couldn't find that 'uniqueness' today. umm well, i was going to tell you guys about my roller coaster project (again.. -.-') and post some pictures of it. but my teammates haven't sent me the pictures yet. so i guess all i can say is that MY TEAMMATES SUCKK!!! >_<

yeah.. that's true.. today this morning, we're supposed to finish up all the roller coaster, time how much time we spent to build it, and test whether the ball goes smoothly till the end of the track or not. but since we haven't been able to finish it yet, we kinda fucked up today >_<

and next lab will be the final test. it means that the roller coaster will be graded. and we're still worried.. uh wait, let me rephrase that.. I AM still worried that we're not gonna make it. >_< well, i hope not though..

umm.. don't know anything else to say.. so i guess that's it for today..

later!

what are friends for ?

2005-02-21T21:25:00.000-08:00

friends.. humm an interesting topic.. why? because nobody in this world doesn't have any friend. every body must have at least a friend in their lives. why? because we, human, are a social creatures. just like ants. or monkeys. or bananas. ?? hehehe nope, not the last one, they're just my favourites and the monkey's.. ;p

alright, so every body needs friends. we do need them. but the next question is: do they also need us? the quick answer is YES, they also need us as much as we need them. BUT then, they can't always be around us. they can't always make us laugh. they can't always listen to us whenever we have problems or something to tell. why? to be honest, i don't know why.. i know it sucks, but sometimes we need to be reminded about it. we have to realize that they also have their own lives.

sometimes friends can be very helpful. but they can also make us very2 stressful. so what are friends for then? umm.. i'm not really sure. but one thing that i know, they are created to accompany us. they are there to fill our suck lives. so no matter how suck or how great they are, they're still your friends.

my friend once told me, a great friend is a friend that is never around you, never near you, and even barely see you. but this friend always accepts you whatever you are, this friend always makes fun and brings happiness to you, this friend always listens whenever you complain about anything, and even this friend always smiles whenever you're mad at him.

is this kind of 'friend' hard to find? nobody knows.. but certainly, we, ourself, can be this kind of 'friend' first for other people ^_^ and hopefully, they would become like that too to us.. ^_^ but if they don't, don't too worry about it, because there are lots of 'good' friends out there that can be ours ^_^

between me and the others

2005-02-20T20:54:00.000-08:00

didn't do much things today. >_<

i'm a lil bit upset because we, osu students, don't get any day off for president's day tomorrow >_< every school and university are gonna be closed tomorrow... EXCEPT OSU!!! wtf!!

well, it means that i have to do monday's homework again which i should've done it this afternoon. on the contrary, i haven't even started it yet. hehe. a procastinator, indeed! ;p there are 7 problems. hey.. a "7", my fave number, but not for this one of course >_<

i bought a new webcam today. it's pretty cheap. but i think it's nice and it has good resolution also.. ^_^ i used to have a webcam before. i tried to find it several times, but still didn't find it. so maybe i left it when i went back home last summer. i can't wait to tell my special one and let her see my face again hehe i hope she's gonna like it ^_^

my auntie is acting kinda weird to me today. i don't know what happened to her. but she seems very quite to me lately. i wanna ask her what happens, but it's gonna be awkward to ask something like that, isn't it? well, probably she'll be okay tomorrow. let's just hope that.

finally, i wanna tell you guys about these 2 stupid calling cards. i bought these cards on friday night. i was hoping, as usual, that this cards would work just fine. but apparently, they just don't work the way i was hoping. when i used it for the first time, it was fine. i was using it to call to australia, and the voice was ok, but suddenly it stops. and i never be able to call anywhere again. even i've tried to call to indonesia this morning and it still didn't work. what a stupid card !! grrr.. >_<

Jealousy? umm..

2005-02-19T17:44:00.000-08:00

have you ever been in a jealousy situation?

well, i guess everybody has probably been in that kind of situation.. it sucks, doesn't it? but nothing we can do about it.

and how do you deal with that kind of situation ? are you gonna have a fight with the ones who make you feel jealous? or are you gonna just sit down and "shallow" that painful feeling by yourself? or what?

mm for me, i would never do such a horrible thing. maybe i would just take the second option. just sit down and let the pain gone by itself. although probably it's not gonna be easy and the "scratch" will always damage my heart. but i think it's still the best way not to hurt other's feeling. well, it's not because i'm a coward or loser or anything. it's just because i don't like to hurt other people's feelings.

it seems nice huh? but i'm not always like that. i can be mad. ;p especially when things just don't go very well. ;p

oh well, let's just stop talking about it.

today, i went to a book store to find a novel. don't know why but i wanna get a novel really bad today. but suddenly my mood changed when i got there ;p. suddenly i didn't wanna buy any novel anymore. so i just went back home. oh wait, no i went to my friend's place because he wanted to cook something ;p yeah, so i went there and helped him make something to eat. ^_^

uhmm.. not much interesting story for today huh? well, i have tons of them. but i just can't tell it. at least not yet. ;p

still, i miss Melbourne so much. and i miss that one cute girl in Melbourne so mucchh. she means everything to me. ^_^

dirty minded people suck!

2005-02-18T18:21:00.000-08:00

yeah.. i'm agitated and disgusted.. by dirty minded people.. especially who really do "dirty" things.. they just suck!

well, i don't argue when people say that i'm a perverted guy or dirty minded or vulgar or whatever. because yes.. i'm a normal guy. and i do admit that i like girls. i like their beauties. i admit that i have watched porns couple of times. BUT i do still respect girls. i do still appreciate them as a perfect human being. i would never do such horrible things to them.

people who like to do such disgusting things like sexually assaulting, or even raping for the worst, are really2 unforgiveable. even peeking girls when they are in the bathroom or something small like that still can't be forgiven. geezz.. that's just gross and disgusting!!

i would beat them up if i really2 see someone do that. i don't care who he is. i would just beat him up!

i'm so mad and angry today! damn those people! >_<

why is snow so cold?

2005-02-17T18:07:00.000-08:00

a very stupid question, isn't it? ;p

today was so cold.. it's snowing again.. >.< i thought it's over already.. but the falling snow proves that i'm wrong

just got back from campus. was so hungry and barely can move right now. should i have some rest? maybe some nap? well, i would like to have some. but unfortunately i can't. 3 crazy homeworks and a quiz will make me stay awake until.. umm.. until i get them done.. ;p

can't wait 'till i can sleep well and do nothing during the weekend.. oh weekend i miss you so much.. ;p there's nothing in this world that is better than sleeping and doing nothing.. hehe sounds unproductive, but.. who cares? i like it.. ;p

hm.. not as much as i miss her though.. i miss her so much.. i miss her touches.. her voices.. her smiles.. her hugs.. her kisses.. i miss everything about her.. :( there's nothing in this world that is worse than missing someone you love so much.. hm does she miss me too ? does she? i hope so..

hm.. not much to say today. i think i'll just get back to work then. >_<

later!

unconditional love

2005-02-16T21:29:00.000-08:00

here's a story..

one day, someone asked me,"hey, are you alright? you seem pretty sad.."
i looked at her face, smiled, then lied,"i'm ok.." then i went home.
but something's bothering me. usually i could hide my "unhappiness" really well. so that people wouldn't even notice that i was unhappy. but this girl knew. this girl's different.

so i called her. then we talked. we talked about everything. about sadness, happiness, hope, everything.

one day. two days. three days. and so on. we talked to each other almost everyday. we met at school. we went to church together. we went out together. we studied together. we had dinner together.

then we fell in love. we're a happy couple. but then, i had to leave for a far far away place. i had to leave her behind. it was so sad that i had to cry. but since then, i realized my life would never ever be complete without her.

no one knows what's gonna happen next with me and her later on, but my love to her is pure and unconditionally..

spring for a day..

2005-02-15T19:16:00.000-08:00

today's weather is very nice. it's like a spring time. i thought winter this year is already over. BUT, the weather forecast seems not saying so. today 66 F, but tonight is gonna drop till 35. oh shit! and they said, snow shower for tomorrow. aww maannn.. >_<

still hate my team mates. we're supposed to finish up the roller coaster today so we're able to conduct a preliminary testing for next week's lab. but i guess we screwed the roller coaster up today. and i'm not sure what's gonna happen next week >_<

got a quiz tomorrow. need to study tonight. i mean it. i WILL study tonight. ^_^

umm.. what else to say? umm.. oh ya,when i was on my way to work today, i saw this couple kissing very2 passionately in their car when the traffic light was red. apparently, they didn't realize that the light went green already. so every single car behind them honked. but still, because this power of kissing that was so powerful hehe (probably it created some kind of magnetic field or something around their lips hehe ;p), they just ignored those cars and still kissing. i was watching this funny moment from across the street and couldn't stop smiling. but i didn't know what happened next. i didn't watched the entire "show". hehe ;p it would be very funny if there's a cop pulling their car over because of what they did. hehe.

umm.. aight, that's it! ^_^

ps: i changed the backsound again. it sounds a lil bit girlie, but i like this song. enjoy! ^_^

valentine's day

2005-02-14T17:25:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

for all of you, especially for my family in Indonesia and my very2 special one in Australia ^_^ i love you and i love you even more ^_^

i'm happy today. but i miss my special one sooo muuucchhh. not being able to spend this special day with her makes me a bit sad. i wish i could be with her. i would give her some surprises and maybe took her out to a romantic dinner or something. but i couldn't do it. hix.. :-(

i just hope that she likes the white roses i sent. although they're only a bunch of roses, but they're filled with my deepest love to you.. ^_^ i will always love you.. ^_^

just before i posted this blog, i accidentally blogwalked to one of my friend's and read her post. in that post, she mentioned something about loving someone more, which reminds me to a love poem posted on kafegaul.com last year. so here is a lil bit part of the poem...

like the sunshine warms my body
like a love song soothes my soul
like this feeling deep inside of me
there are some things i just can't control
you make me love you.. more

nice isn't it? ^_^

lastly, here is the list of people who got Grammy Awards last night.

it feels good when you're happy ^_^

2005-02-13T15:12:00.000-08:00

feel so good today. got good sleep last night. but feel a bit terrible 'coz i was accidentally asleep while still talking to this special one. ^_^ but it's very nice of her that she would listen and talk to me 'till i was asleep.

one of my friend told me that 'my mood' plays a major and important role in my life. which i don't argue. 'coz maybe it is true. after heard what my friend said, i began to realize that life won't be fun if we don't add 'our moods' to our life. moods are important. they're not always good. but still we need them.

parfait amour is a type of French drinks. it's purple-ish. and the taste are liquorish and flowery. sometimes French people, who are considered as the most romantic people on earth, analogize this parfait amour as a symbol of "perfect love" (which literary, actually, it is the meaning in english)

parfait amour

everyone is longing for it,

everyone is looking for it.

less than many find it,

less than many keep it,

less than many lose it.

are you my parfait amour?

hope it's her who always in my dream every night ^_^

huaaaa.. i'm not sick anymore. umm not so sure actually, but i guess it's better ^_^ and because i'm pretty much ok and happy today. i'll let you twist your mind a bit for me.

this is cute: i + opposite of W + initial of ICE + twice the letter b4 T + 3/4 of X + 15th letter + 1/2 of O..

let see if you guys can find out what message behind that formula ;p

i just sent this special formula to my special one ^_^

love will keep us alive

2005-02-12T22:59:00.000-08:00

valentine's day is coming soon. so i guess putting a good backsound as a valentine's theme is a very nice idea. it's a nice song, "love will keep us alive," by susan wong. it kinda fits my sorrow mood right now :(

*sigh* not much to say. i just miss melbourne so much right now. i even can feel the nice smell of that city. :( i miss all things there. the food, the people, the crowd, the shops. but the most, i miss my other half. my special someone. my love. my everything. :(

bulan sabit

2005-02-12T17:04:00.000-08:00

indonesian mode activated!

hari ini aku males pake bahasa inggris. lagi ga mood. lagi resah. tadi sempet bikin puisi dikit deh.

hari ini bulan sabit tersenyum.
sama seperti kemarin...

hari ini bulan sabit tersenyum.
mengingatkanku padamu...

akankah esok dia tersenyum kembali?

*sigh* sedih de. did something stupid sampe2 bikin dia kecewa dan marah. padahal tadinya kita sama2 tersenyum. sama2 gembira seperti si bulan sabit hari ini. rasanya bener2 ga enak ya kalo kita itu berbuat salah sama orang lain. apalagi orang itu adalah orang yang bener2 kita sayangin. rasanya pengen mukulin diri sendiri dan marahin diri sendiri. *sigh*

kadang bingung juga, ada orang2 yang bener2 cuek banget sama orang laen. mereka suka ga peduli. parahnya kadang mereka lebih suka kalo liat orang lain itu marah ato kecewa. kadang aku mikir, kok aku ga gitu ya? aku ga bisa de ngeliat orang lain itu marah ato kecewa, apalagi gara2 aku sendiri. rasanya bener2 ga enak banget. sampe dulu tu, seringkali aku ga bisa nolak2 permintaan orang lain. walopun tau juga sih sebenernya kalo aku tu suka dibegoin. kayak misalnya mesti ngerjain tugas kelompok sendirian, padahal mestinya itu tugas kelompok >.

*sigh* yah, berharap banget dia bisa maafin aku lagi. sorry.. sorry.. and sorry.. serta keinginan kuatku untuk bisa berubah.. cuma 2 hal itu yang bisa aku berikan sekarang ini. setiap hati, setiap nurani, setiap jiwa, dan setiap raga pasti pernah punya kesalahan kan? tapi dari kesalahan kita bisa belajar untuk memperbaikinya. sorry.. semoga kamu mau maafin aku dan kita bisa tertawa bersama lagi..

healing..

2005-02-11T18:48:00.000-08:00

"healing what's outside is big, but healing what's inside is gigantic"

i'm still sick today. i need some healings. but which one? the one outside or the one inside? or maybe both? ^_^

healing outside's wounds are much much easier than healing the ones inside our heart. it's because no matter how small the wound is (or even the smallest wound) can give a very deep scratch to our heart. and that makes it very2 hard to be cured or healed.

i have another good story to tell, here it is:

in china, there was this small village which wanted to plant a special kind of bamboo. they said that if they eat these bamboos, then it could make them smarter and stronger. so they began the plantation. but 1 year had passed and all they got were just small bamboos. the bamboos were not high enough to be cut and cooked. but they didn't give up. they kept trying, giving them water, and food suplement so the bamboos could grow faster. another 1 year had passed, and the bamboos were still the same. again, they didn't give up. they gave more water, and etc. third year, fourth year, and five years, the bamboos didn't change. they were still short and ugly. but then, in the morning of the fifth week of the sixth year, the villagers were shocked to see that the bamboos were already grown 90 feet tall.. woo.. ;p

so actually, those special bamboos need 5 years and 5 weeks to reach their growing process. and once they reached it, they can grow so fast. luckily, the villagers didn't give up and kept on trying. can you believe what's gonna happen if they stopped giving water after the first or second year? well, of course they wouldn't be able to get the bamboos.

so the morale of the story is.. "sometimes we struggle and fight very hard to achieve something, but nothing comes up as the result. well, keep trying and never give up. because one day, we will see the result. we must see the result. and we will be much2 better off" ^_^

hm.. lately, i've been so lazy. and reading this story makes me wanna be more dilligent and consistent. ^_^

about happiness..

2005-02-10T22:46:00.000-08:00

been very2 busy lately (>.<)

especially today.. i'm still sick.. worse than yesterday.. couldn't think 'coz my head is filled with everything.. arrgghhh i just wanna screaamm.. weekend please.. come back here..

oh well, i got a very2 good story here, but unfortunately it's in indonesian. i don't have time to translate it yet, but if you guys who don't understand indonesian and still curious about it, just email me or something. just let me know. i'll try to retell the story in english to you. ^_^ alright, gotta get back to my work (umm.. i mean hw >.<) enjoy!

it's about a shopkeeper's son

Jadi, one day seorang penjaga toko mengirimkan anaknya untuk belajar rahasia kebahagiaan pada seorang yang paling bijak di dunia. Anak ini berkelana di padang pasir selama 40 hari sampai akhirnya dia menemukan istana tempat orang bijak itu tinggal. Anak ini pun masuk dan melihat-lihat suasana di dalam kerajaan. Ada kelompok orkestra mini yang memainkan lagu-lagu soft, orang-orang sedang asyik berbicara, pedagang yang keluar masuk, dan ada pula meja yang penuh dengan berbagai macam makanan terlezat dari setiap bagian dunia. Si orang bijak pun sedang berbicara dengan setiap orang yang ada. Anak ini harus menunggu orang bijak selama 2 jam.

Setelah waktunya tiba, orang bijak mendengarkan baik-baik apa yang diinginkan oleh anak tersebut. Orang bijak itu menjawab kalau waktu yang ada tidak akan cukup untuk menjelaskan apa rahasia dari kebahagiaan. Orang bijak menyarankan anak tersebut melihat-lihat keliling istana dalam waktu 2 jam. Orang bijak tersebut lalu memberikan si anak sebuah sendok teh yang telah diisi dengan 2 tetes minyak. Dia pun meminta kepada anak tersebut,

"as you wonder around, carry this spoon with you without allowing the oil to spill."

Anak itu pun berjalan menyusuri istana, menaiki dan menuruni tangga sambil terus menaruh perhatiannya pada sendok teh tersebut. Setelah 2 jam berlalu, dia pun kembali pada orang bijak tersebut.

"Jadi... apakah kamu melihat hiasan dinding Persia yang digantung di ruang makan? Apakah kamu melihat kebun yang telah digarap selama sepuluh tahun oleh tukang kebun yang terbaik? Apa kamu memperhatikan surat-surat indah yang ditulis pada kulit domba di perpustakaanku?

Anak itu merasa malu dan mengaku kalau dia tidak memperhatikan apa pun. Focusnya ada pada satu sendok teh minyak yang diberikan oleh si orang bijak, supaya minyak tersebut tidak tumpah.

"Kembalilah dan lihatlah semuanya. Kamu tidak dapat mempercayai seseorang jika kamu tidak tahu seperti apa rumahnya."

Merasa lega, anak itu pun mengambil sendoknya dan kembali menelusuri istana. Dia melihat benda-benda seni yang tergantung di langit-langit dan dinding. Dia melihat kebun, gunung-gunung yang ada di sekitarnya, bunga-bunga yang tumbuh dengan indah dan dia merasakan segala sesuatu yang ada. Sekembalinya dia pada orang bijak, dia menceritakan apa yang telah dilihatnya.

"Tapi di manakah dua tetes minyak yang telah kupercayakan kepadamu?" tanya si orang bijak.

Anak itu melihat pada sendoknya dan baru menyadari bahwa 2 tetes minyak itu telah tumpah.

"Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you," said the wisest of wise men. "The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon."

Begitulah...